Come Back Down
by Muzzy-Olorea
Summary: [MS] They hadn’t seen each other for ten years but when Martin joins the Missing Person’s Unit in New York, old feelings start to resurface will either of them dare to walk down that path again after what happened last time?
1. Don’t Have To Be Alone

**Come Back Down**

**They hadn't seen each other for ten years but when Martin joins the Missing Person's Unit in New York, old feelings start to resurface - will either of them dare to walk down that path again? S/M**

**Chapter One: Don't Have To Be Alone With What You're Going Through**

_**Disclaimer: As much as I would like to own Eric Close, the F.B.I and Without A Trace, alas I only have the licence to dream. The plot is mine, my own, my preciousssssssssssss.**_

**A/N:- This isn't the original fic that I was going to post next but it was an idea that just appeared and it is kind of writing itself at the moment. I love it when stories do that …… except from when it takes over your life and you can't do anything else until you finish getting your ideas out on paper……. This story's probably _slightly_ AU but hopefully kinda more original than is usual for me! I was looking at the lyrics for 'Come Back Down' by Lifehouse and thought they were very fitting, hence the title. Flashbacks are going to give the background to the story. And for later on – nothing has ever gone on between Samantha and Jack since I'm not a big fan of the triangle at the moment. Oh, being a bit unsure of the school system the other side of the pond, it's half based on the English system so I apologise in advance, also for the English-isms. And one last thing – I got VERY important exams coming up all the way through May and June so please be patient!**

_Samantha Spade struggled to keep her head up high and the tears from falling from her eyes but after eighteen years of putting on a strong front, the pressure was starting to build up and the events of last night had just pushed her over the edge. She slung her rucksack over her shoulders and headed across the quad. It was lunchtime and the students of Newton High School were all out on the grass, relaxing and lapping up the sun. She hurried past them, her eyes all watery, ignoring the curious glances she got from a group of girls from the year below. Why did everyone have a hard time accepting that she was different? She was proud to be different. She didn't care that she wasn't popular. She didn't want to smoke, go out and get drunk every weekend, wear the latest designer brands, flirt incessantly with the football or basketball squad …………… Whilst the girls in her year were preoccupied worrying about the colour of their highlights, Samantha had more important problems like how she was going to get through another evening in the same house as her parents._

_She braced herself for the inevitable wolf-whistles and hooting as she walked past a group of guys from her year – the 'cool' kids, the sport guys, the ones that the barbies spent hours putting on their make up for._

"_Hey there Sam, you gonna let me take you out to dinner yet?"_

"_Go with me to the Prom."_

"_Stop being such a prude, lemme take you for a drive………."_

_She hated the way she could feel their eyes all over her. Staring, examining, drooling. She was blonde, thin, and, if she made an effort with her hair and make-up, considered to be as pretty as any of those girls that wore the smallest skirt in the shop to get noticed. But Samantha was smart and intelligent as well. Nearly every guy in her year had tried to hit on her at some point and the fact that she said no every time just made it all the more exciting. Bets were made to see who could get geeky Samantha out on a date/in bed first but with only a few months left of high school, it looked like none of the guys would succeed. She was untouchable._

_A group of brunettes pushed into her. "God, look where you're going Spade." One of them shot. Samantha narrowed her eyes, usually she would hurl some abuse back and move on but today their prattish comments hurt more than usual._

"_Would you look at her hair ….. the split ends ……."_

"_Who does she think she is …. She's such a geek …… Doesn't she care that no one likes her?"_

_Samantha tried to ignore them and pulled herself out of the crowd. Their abusive comments faded into nothing as she was consumed with visions of her drunken father lunging towards her with a slipper, glass bottles being chucked across the room, her mother passed out on the kitchen floor …. … She had spent years, locked in her room studying to get top grades so she could go to University, get away from her home, get a good job, move away, start afresh ………… All her teachers thought she was a model student with supportive parents who encouraged her in her education. They didn't know the truth. Now, only a few months from the end, she was fed up with putting on a brave face for everyone. She needed a release. She needed to get away from it all._

_She looked around. The grove was practically empty, a couple of Goths sat smoking weed and a group of first years kicked a ball aimlessly around the playground. She climbed over the low wall and walked round the back of the deserted bike shed. She opened her bag and took out a bottle of water and a couple tubs of her mother's pills. She could hardly see through her tears anymore. This wasn't like her, why was she doing this, why now after all these years? The shouts of abuse from her mother and father filled her ears, reminding her of the existence she had to go back to everyday after school. She unscrewed the lid of her water bottle and tipped the contents of the tubs into the palm of her hand. She took a deep breath and leant heavily against the wooden panels. Images of the past few years – the glass, the beer, the leering, mocking faces of her classmates, raced through her mind. She just couldn't not care anymore. She looked down at the capsules in her hand and was about to tip them into her mouth ………………._

"_Don't do that." A voice said urgently, coming towards her._

_Samantha lowered her hand slowly. She thought that she had been alone, unnoticed. And of all people, why had he followed her here? "Leave me alone Martin." She said._

"_No. Not until you drop those pills." He said calmly but he was breathing deeply, trying to cover the fact that he had run there._

_She looked at him, her eyes alight. "Why are you here? What do you care? You and your rich, cool friends with your big houses, pool house and perfect lives….. I know about you and your bets and what you say about me behind my back, how hilarious you think it is to fill my locker with sleazy magazines and underwear….. The way you laugh with those airhead girls who can't even do their assignments themselves…..."_

"_I'm not like them." He stated, dropping his school bag on the ground and taking a step closer. "Look, I know I haven't exactly stopped my friends from being pricks, but I want to help you Sam."_

"_You're from a different world. You're Head-Boy, President of the Student Voice, Captain of the football, basketball and soccer teams; stop patronizing me. Leave me alone." Samantha paused and then looked at him accusingly. "This is for one of you stupid 'let's win Samantha over' bets again isn't it?" Her hand with the pills in was starting to shake with anger and lack of resolve. The moment had passed. She was losing self-control. _

_Martin looked at the trembling girl in front of him and moved his floppy brown hair out of his eyes. "Why can't you understand that I'm not like the people I hang out with? This isn't for some bet, this isn't some act to get you into bed. I just want to stop being such an idiot and be friends ……………….. but right now what I want most is for you to drop those pills. Please."_

_Something in his voice touched her and Samantha lowered her hand and the multi-coloured capsules scattered over the ground. She started shuddering and crying with the release. Martin walked up to her slowly and gently rested a hand on her shoulder but she pulled away and bent down, starting to gather the pills up again. "Get away from me, I'll do it, I'll do it. I don't need your pity I don't-" she cried hysterically._

_Martin grabbed her arm and pulled her up. "Samantha …. Sam …. Sam. Shhh. I know you don't want to do this. I know you don't." he soothed, pulling her into his arms. She started crying into his jacket and clinging to him unwillingly. _

_Martin held her as she cried for what must have been at least ten minutes. He knew he was late for practice, he knew that his friends would be wondering where he was, he knew that if they saw him now they would never stop laughing. But he didn't care. He wasn't going to spend these last few months of school pretending to be someone he wasn't, hanging out with people he didn't care about, being captain of a bunch of guys who just played to get the girls ………….._

_As the tears calmed down, her embarrassment grew. She didn't know why she was letting him hold her. He was one of them. Possibly the worst since he was the one that all the rest looked up to. But maybe he was kind of different. He had never tried to feel her up, trip her up or ask her out. Whilst his friends had been immature and shouted perverted comments, he had kept quiet and even tried to apologise at one point. He didn't ask to be Head Boy and it wasn't his fault that he was good at sport and was made captain. Whilst most of them didn't seem to understand the point of coming to school was to get an education, he actually studied and got good grades. He was the one, possibly the only one, who had ever seen her lose control and seen her weak and helpless just now._

_She still didn't trust him but right now he was all she had._

"_I … didn't want to end it ….. just escape … I … things at home …. I can't stand it anymore …. I…." She stumbled. "I-I'm fine being alone … but sometimes …there's no one there …"_

"_Hey …..you can talk to me. I know you think I'm one of these snooty, rich kids who think they own the school but I'm nice …. Honest …… and you can trust me." Martin said, rubbing her back. "I'm here for you Sam. Trust me."_

_Samantha nodded slightly. She didn't fully believe him but it was a start. After all he had just saved her life._

"Hey Sam, I've got Hilky's credit card statements." Danny called, walking over from his desk.

Samantha scooted round on her office chair and pulled a face. "It's 'Samantha' Danny and you know it. Stop winding me up."

Danny laughed. "Why do you hate being called Sam so much?" he asked, dropping a file down on her desk.

"I don't know. I just hate my name being shortened." She answered, flicking through some reports. "No one calls me 'Sam'."

"Some one out there must have called you that at some point and you didn't mind." Danny answered.

Samantha looked away and grew quiet. "Yeah, but that was a long time ago." She said softly.

Danny didn't have time to push her as Jack walked into the bullpen. "Guys, our new Agent is joining us this afternoon." He announced. "I want you to be _nice._" He said pointedly to Danny and Samantha.

"Oh come on Jack, you're not trying to tell me you were not relieved when Jones got a transfer to Detroit." Vivian laughed.

"Yeah, it's not our fault she was an old hag with no sense of humour who always had to be right." Danny said.

"Plus she didn't understand the concept of teamwork." Samantha added.

Jack laughed. "Okay, okay. Well, our new member of the team is young and male so no more old hags and I want all you guys to help him fit in." he said quickly, as he headed back into his office to answer his phone.

"I hope he's not some upper-class snob sent from Washington D.C." Danny muttered, returning to his work.

"Now now, don't get all territorial." Vivian said warningly. "We don't want an OPR investigation into why the New York office can't seem to retain agents for more than two months."

Samantha chuckled and started looking through the credit card statements, just as curious as Danny to see what the new Agent was like.

_Samantha sat on a bench outside a café near school sipping her strawberry milkshake tentatively. The sun was hot and glaring in her face but it didn't seem to bother Martin. He sat next to her, chewing on his milkshake straw, waiting for her to say something. It unnerved her. Like someone actually wanted to listen to what she had to say. "Practice will be over soon and your friends will be over here." She stated._

"_So?"_

"_You don't actually want them to see you here with me do you?" she said._

_Martin shrugged. "Why not? Is it a crime to be seen out in public with you?"_

"_It is according to them. You know it is." She said, a touch bitterly. Martin didn't say anything. She turned to him curiously. "Why did you follow me behind the bike shed anyway?"_

"_Oh, I…..". He looked awkward and he ruffled his hair a touch nervously. Samantha could hardly believe this was the same Martin Fitzgerald who confidently spoke to the whole school last week about why he was proud to be head boy. He had seemed unfazed by the attention – which he was well used to by now – but in the last half an hour she had been with him, he had shot more than one nervous glance in her direction. Was it just because he was scared she was going to go suicidal on him again or was it because he was scared of saying something wrong and not being able to change the bad impression she already had of him? "I wanted to ask you to the Prom." He said after awhile. Samantha burst out laughing. "No, I'm serious."_

"_And you're going to try to tell me that your friends didn't put you up to it." She said, raising her eyebrows up._

"_They didn't." Martin said, a touch offended. "I wish you wouldn't doubt me all the time. Give me a chance."_

_Samantha sighed and looked away. This day was just surreal. Firstly she had almost committed the ultimate in stupidity and now the coolest, most popular guy in school was asking her to the Prom. Next a director would be offering to make her life into a film ………………. "The Prom's in three months time."_

"_I was being prepared." Martin said. "And I guessed that I needed time to convince you." He added._

"_I'm not even going to go."_

"_It's our last one. OUR one. The one before we graduate from high school. EVERYONE has to go." Martin argued._

"_Funnily enough it's not really my scene." She stated, watching an old lady with a limp try to cross the busy road with her dog._

"_I think you'll look good in a dress." Martin said, tipping his head to one side and looking at her, his eyes sparkling._

"_Don't start." She said, making a face. Martin shrugged and kicked the dust with his trainers ('sneakers'). "I don't even know you. Why would I want to go to the Prom with someone I don't know?"_

"_The Prom's in three months time." Martin said pointedly._

_Samantha looked ahead. A group of guys were walking out of the school gate towards them, carrying sports bags over their shoulders. She grew quiet and wondered how Martin was going to react._

"_Hey Fitzy, you missed practice." Robert said, as five of the group walked up to Martin._

"_I know, I wasn't feeling well." Martin said simply. _

_Robert's eyes travelled over to Samantha. "What are you doing here with her?"_

"_I just asked Samantha to the Prom." Martin stated._

_Robert, Henry, Zach, Tom and Bill chuckled. "Oh, oh, I didn't realise you were in on the bet too." Zach exclaimed, his face clearing._

"_I'm not." Martin said stoically. _

"_You mean you actually want to take her to the Prom as a proper date?" Robert said, his mouth practically hanging open. Robert was his best friend but most of the time Martin thought he was as bad as the rest._

"_Yes. I think it's time you all stopped being complete jerks to Sam." Martin said._

_Samantha stared into the remains of her milkshake. She wanted to tell Martin that she didn't need him to stand up for her, didn't need his friends to be nice to her - but she didn't find the words to say anything._

_Robert and the others looked like they were going to start laughing again. "I'm serious." Martin stated. They all stood there shocked. Martin turned. "Come on Sam, I'll walk you home." He said gently._

_Samantha grabbed her bag, glanced at the group of guys and let Martin take her home._

_Nothing could have prepared her for the way things were about to change._

**A/N:- Sorry this chapter wasn't very exciting. It was really just to give the background to the story. Chapter Two will be very long to make up for it!**


	2. A Memory Can’t Be Erased

**Chapter Two: A Memory Can't Be Erased**

_**Disclaimer: As much as I would like to own Eric Close, the F.B.I and Without A Trace, alas I only have the licence to dream. The plot is mine, my own, my preciousssssssssssss.**_

**A/N:- Thanks for the encouraging response so far. The reviews made me very happy! This is an absolute mammoth of a chapter ………….. **

_Dedicated to:_

_Spooky Bibi, Agent Elrond 007, Raspberry Muffin, NightMage, Tracy, Without A Trace Freak, TerribleFish, Colts-patriots-crimedramagurl, jtsideout389, Taintedpromises, Scgirl-317, Any, EquestrianBabe, Briana, Give Love A Break, Ariel3JLP_

"_Come on, you have to admit that that Detective Jenkins in that film was such a twat – everyone knows that when you're a cop arresting a suspect, you don't take both hands off your gun until the suspect is disarmed."_

_Martin laughed. "Very true but it's Hollywood. And that was a typical cop film – the car chase, the fire, the hostage, the rescue - If they didn't happen then there wouldn't be a film!"_

"_Probably for the best." _

"_Hey! The film wasn't that bad." _

"_You just liked it for the pretty blonde FBI Agent." Samantha said accusingly._

"_I happen to respect an actress who can do her own stunts thank you very much……………………. and she was hot okay?" _

_Samantha rolled her eyes._

"_You're not jealous are you?" Martin grinned._

"_You wish."_

"_You are, you are, you are." Martin laughed._

_Samantha hit him playfully as Martin put his arm around her and leant down and took a bite of her ice cream. She smiled. She couldn't ever remember being this happy before. It was funny how things could change in a couple of months. How people could change. Ever since the day Martin had found her with the pills and bought her a milkshake, the abusive comments and childish pranks at school had stopped. His friends would discuss the latest rock music with her and the girls …. Well, they quite possibly hated her even more now that she and Martin hung out …… but they were civil to her when he was around. Things at home had not changed and although she hadn't poured out her heart to Martin or anything, she knew he was there to lean on. Martin. He was this perfect young gentleman. All her doubts about him had been pushed away. He was funny and gorgeous and understanding and he didn't care about her background, what she wore or what she looked like. These past few weeks, she had had more fun with him than she had had in her whole life. He had taken her to the cinema and the theatre, they had revised French and English in the library, she had been to a football match and a basketball game for the first time in her life to watch him play, they had eaten ice cream at the mall ……….. and he had not brought up the attempted suicide or the pills since that day._

_Martin walked Samantha to the door of her small end of row-terraced house. The lights were on inside and a stereo blared. _

"_The Prom's only a month away. Are you going to go with me?" Martin asked, holding her hands in his._

"_Maybe." Samantha smiled._

_Martin looked at her, he loved it when she smiled. It lit up her whole face and made him feel special. "'Maybe' isn't good enough Spade." he said, tickling her. She giggled and he drew her into a hug and kissed the top of her head lightly._

"_Samantha! Samantha, is that you out there!" came a shout from the lounge window._

_Samantha pulled away and looked at the house worriedly. "It's my Dad. He must have got chucked out of the pub to be home this early." she sighed. _

"_Get in here now!" came the voice again. Then there was a crash and a stream of swearing followed. "I mean it Samantha. Don't make me-"_

"_Okay, I'm coming." Samantha called back, cutting her father off. She could feel Martin looking at her worriedly, and she avoided meeting his gaze._

"_Sam, I could ask-"_

"_No." she interrupted. Then she looked up at him. "Martin, this is my problem and I'd rather deal with it myself, okay?" Martin looked at her unsurely. He knew how independent she could be but if she was getting hurt …….. "Please?" she said pleadingly. _

_He nodded reluctantly. "Just …. well, you have my number. You can call me at anytime right?" _

"_Thanks, I'll see you at school tomorrow." she said, giving his hand a last squeeze before going inside._

Martin stood got out of the elevator on the 25th floor and walked into a busy corridor. He looked around, deciding which way to go first but before he could move, he was greeted by a man holding out his hand to him.

"Hello, you must be Martin Fitzgerald. Supervising Special Agent Jack Malone." the man announced.

Martin smiled and shook his hand. "Nice to meet you."

"Okay, we'll probably have a case come in in the next half hour but first things first. Time to meet the team." Jack said, leading him up to a window. They looked through the blinds into the office. "Nervous?"

"Yeah." Martin said, rubbing his hands together. "Does it show?"

Jack smiled. "Okay. See the conference table over there? The woman seated at the far right is Agent Vivian Johnson. She's very motherly, makes sure everyone keeps their head, that sort of thing. Almost has as many years of experience in the field as me. The young man next to her is Agent Danny Taylor. I wouldn't worry if he's a bit off with you to start of with – you have to earn his trust. Oh and he likes to think he's funny so humour him. Now where's …….. oh there. The lady that's just walking over to the other two … that's Agent Samantha Spade."

The lady in question turned round and Martin felt like he'd just been hit by double-decker bus. His father had told him a lot about the New York office but he had obviously neglected to tell him that _she_ worked for the FBI. God, she'd grown even prettier than she was when he last saw her. His head was swarming with memories and old feelings.

He inhaled sharply.

Jack Malone looked sideways at the younger agent. "I wouldn't."

Martin drew himself back down to earth and dragged his eyes away from the window. "Sorry?" he said.

"I wouldn't try anything with Agent Spade – she's had it all before." Jack warned.

"I'm sure." Martin said weakly. "I ……." he trailed off.

"Is there a problem?" Jack asked. Martin shook his head. "Good, let's go and introduce you properly then, shall we?" he said, leading Martin into the office.

Samantha walked over to the conference table, looking at a file in her hands. "Hey, Viv, have you seen these two cheques? I'm sure the signatures match …" she said, putting the documents down on the table.

"Well, that would certainly explain all the debt." Vivian muttered. "I'd show Jack that." she added.

"Here he comes now." Danny informed them. "And looks like that's the new kid on the block with him."

"Danny. Be nice." Vivian chided under her breath.

Samantha looked up and registered nothing at first. Then she felt like she was back in high school, round the back of the bike shed with a pile of pills in her hand.

"Guys I'd like to introduce the newest addition to the team: Martin Fitzgerald." Jack said, cheerfully.

Martin's sparkling blue eyes met her haunted brown ones.

"Oh God." Samantha said out loud before she could stop herself. The others turned to look at her. She couldn't stop staring at him. It felt like she was seeing a ghost. This couldn't be happening. She tore her eyes away. "I – I just need some air." she said to the floor before hurrying out of the room.

An awkward silence followed. "I'm sorry Martin, I don't know what's up with her." Jack said, frowning.

"Do you two know each other?" Vivian asked, perceptively.

"Yeah. High school." Martin muttered. He felt faint and his head was spinning.

"She doesn't seem very happy to see you." Danny stated. "Did you two have a major argument or something?"

"No."

"Break her heart?"

"No."

"Bully her?"

"No."

"Sleep with her best friend?"

"No."

"Are you sure?" Danny checked, his eyes narrowing.

"Yes I'm sure." Martin said, a little irritated. Not only was he having personal issues with seeing Samantha again but it seemed like this Danny guy was ready to jump down his throat in Samantha's defence. Martin knew that he had not done anything to hurt Samantha. Ever. "I can honestly honestly say, ten years later, that I still have no idea what I've done wrong." he said, sitting down in the nearest chair.

"Well, we know that she doesn't like to talk about her past …" Vivian started. "Maybe she was just shocked at seeing her past turn up here when she thought she had got away from it all." she suggested.

Martin held his head in his hands. There was a whole lot more to this than anyone in the room would have guessed.

"_Samantha! Samantha I'm talking to you!" a woman screamed up the stairs._

_Samantha pulled off her headphones. "What?"_

"_Come down here and vacuum the place. How many times do I have to tell you?" Alice Spade shouted._

"_I told you, I did it this morning." Samantha replied, irritated, looking up from her science textbook._

"_You little liar. You didn't. I know you didn't."_

"_How would you know Mom? You were in bed with a hangover until an hour ago!" she shouted._

_There was silence and Samantha turned back to her schoolwork. Her eyes came to rest on the only photo in her room. It was one of her and Martin that his friend Robert had taken one break time at school. Martin had his arms around her stomach and his head resting on hers. They were both grinning at the face Zach had been pulling off camera. It was sweet. She had found herself staring at it more and more lately, getting distracted when she was meant to be revising, thinking more and more about Martin even when she had just spent the whole day with him._

_Suddenly the door of her room flung open. Brian Spade marched in and grabbed the nearest textbook to him and hit Samantha over the back of the head with it. "How dare you talk to your mother like that!" he shouted angrily._

"_What? It's true-" Samantha argued, stepping away from her father. She felt the book coming toward her even before it left her father's hand._

"_Don't piss me off Samantha." he shouted. "Get down and do the vacuuming. NOW."_

_Samantha put the chair between her and her father. "I told you, I've already done it today. Look, you can check the bag. I did it."_

_Her father took a step closer. "Well, you'll just have to do it again then won't you?" he said, his voice dangerously quiet._

_Samantha bit her tongue. She had never felt such an urge to punch someone before. "No." she breathed._

"_What did you say?" Brian screamed._

"_NO!" Samantha shouted, losing it. "I'm not doing the hoovering, I'm not doing the washing and I'm certainly not picking up your empty drink cans EVER AGAIN!" _

_Her face stung with the slap so much that it brought tears to her eyes. She sat down on her bed with a thud. _

"_Downstairs in five minutes otherwise I'm going to make you wish that you'd never been born." Her Dad threatened before leaving. _

_Samantha wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and grabbed her cell phone._

_Martin lay on his stomach on his bed with a history book in front of him, singing along to the latest Athlete album that Samantha had lent him. He would be lying if he said he was really reading up on the French Revolution. He was actually staring at the photos of him and Samantha that he had blue tacked to the top of his headboard. Robert had brought his new camera into school last week and they had gone a bit mad with it. He smiled. She made him truly happy._

_There was a knock on his door and his father came in. "Martin, can I have a word with you?" _

_Martin rolled his eyes. A conversation starting like that was never good. He grabbed his remote and turned his stereo off._

"_Have you thought more about the internship I got you?" Victor asked, sitting down at Martin's desk._

_Martin turned round. "I told you that I don't want to go into politics Dad. I'm serious."_

"_Look, think about it. You might not think it now but there are great opportunities for you in politics. I think you could really do well as-"_

"_Dad." _

"_Well, what do you want to do then?"_

_Martin shrugged. "Go to University. Travel a bit and then maybe do something like you do."_

_Victor gave a chuckle. "It's …. nice …. that you want to follow in my footsteps-"_

"_This isn't about following in your footsteps." Martin said irritably. "It's about doing what I want to do. I want to help people, I want the action, the excitement that comes with a job where you don't know what – or who – you're going to be dealing with each day."_

_Victor looked around the room and over Martin's head at his headboard. "What does she want to do?"_

"'_She' has a name. Samantha's going to go to Uni to read Law." Martin stated._

"_And join the FBI too?" Victor shot._

"_She's never mentioned it. I think she wants to be a lawyer." Martin said._

"_I don't think this thing you have with her is doing you any good." Victor said bluntly. "I want you to end it." he said simply, heading towards the door._

_Martin jumped off his bed crossly. "You can't decide who I see or not. I'm eighteen. The time when you tell me what to do has come and gone."_

_Victor turned. "Don't speak to me like that. Who is she? What does her father do? What's their annual income? Let me tell you something. Being the Deputy Director of the FBI has certain privileges son, and let's just say that I've done some research. Her father's unemployed, her mother has a job at the post office which she is on the point of losing, Brian Spade has served time in prison for attempted murder, her mother for petty theft, her grandfather -."_

"_Does it look like I care about any of that!" Martin shouted hotly. "We've had this conversation before. You have no idea how I feel when I'm with Samantha."_

"_Yes, I can understand. You're young, male ……. she's very pretty isn't she?" Victor said sharply. Martin glared at his father and kicked his wardrobe in frustration. Sometimes he really really hated his father. "Martin, she's just using you for your money."_

"_She's not like that!" Martin screamed. "You don't know Samantha. You don't know what she's been through. Do you think she asked for parents like that! Do you reckon if we could choose our parents any of us would choose the parents we've got!" he shot. _

"_Is everything alright?" Beth Fitzgerald asked, coming into the room. She looked from her son to her husband. "Is this about Samantha again?"_

"_Yes." Martin said bitterly._

"_I was just trying to talk some sense into Martin. He doesn't see how, coming from such a deprived family, she's using him to-"_

"_And he doesn't understand that Samantha's not like that and that I really really like her." Martin said accusingly._

"_For God's sake Martin, you've only know her two months ……." Victor started._

"_Martin." Beth interrupted, trying to keep the peace. "I think what your father's saying is that we don't know much about her and we're just concerned for you."_

"_Don't know much about her? Dad's run a check on her whole family and can probably tell you every crime that her great-great-great uncle has ever committed." Martin spat._

_Beth glared the 'How could you do that behind Martin's back!' look at her husband. "Well, maybe it'll be nice to meet her. You should bring her home for dinner one day hunny." she said to Martin. Victor looked at Beth angrily before walking out of the room without a word. _

_Martin paced his room, taking deep breaths and calming down. "She's so wonderful Mom. She has a great sense of humour and we …. understand each other …."_

"_That's great." Beth smiled encouragingly. She honestly thought Martin had a spring in his step these past few weeks and Samantha didn't sound like one of those tarts that so many of Martin's friends had brought over to their house._

_Suddenly Martin's cell phone rang. "Okay, okay, I'll be right there." he said into the phone. "Mom, I need to go." he said grabbing his jacket and bag._

"_Martin. Your revision."_

"_I'll do it tomorrow. I promise." he shouted, over his shoulders before grabbing his car keys and running out the door before he had the misfortune to run into his Dad again._

_Samantha climbed into Martin's land rover and finally felt like she was safe. "Thanks." she smiled quietly. _

_Martin reached over and rubbed her hand. He could tell she had been crying but knew that if he asked her about it, she would deny it and move the conversation swiftly on. "I picked up a couple of things on the way over here and I thought maybe we could drive to a park and have a small picnic." he suggested._

"_That would be lovely." she said._

_Martin grinned, wound the windows down and slipped an Idlewild album into the CD player._

_Martin drove to Longmeadow Park. He used to come here a lot with his father when he was little and he knew it was where you could see the most spectacular sunsets on all the East Coast of the US._

_She sat in his arms now on a blanket on the edge of a ravine. All they could see was greenery for miles and miles. The whole park was still and silent and the glorious sunset cast a beautiful orangey red glow on everything._

"_Wow. That's so beautiful." Samantha breathed._

"_Yeah." Martin sighed playing with her hair and breathing in the fruity aroma from her shampoo._

"_Thanks for bringing me here this evening…….. things at home …." Samantha started. "Things at home just got too much."_

"_Anytime." Martin said, holding her closer. "Look, you don't need to put up with it Sam ….."_

"_I have for eighteen years Martin. I've only got another few months and then I'll be out of there. I'll survive." she sighed._

_Martin kissed her head softly. "You're an amazing person Sam, and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise."_

_She smiled. "You always make me feel better Martin, no matter what, and I just want to say thank you for everything." She looked up at him and he looked so adorable, his bright blue eyes reassuring her, giving her the strength to go on …………………_

_Martin walked her to her door as usual. The more and more he took her back to this place, the more and more he just wanted to take her away from it forever. "Thanks again Martin." she said, drawing closer to him. "Tonight was …… special." _

_He brought his hand up to her face and rubbed his thumb against her cheek gently. "You're so beautiful." he said softly, looking deeper into her eyes. Every time he walked her home, he wanted to kiss her goodnight but he was always scared of her getting scared off and running. He slowly dropped his gaze to her lips. _

_Samantha closed her eyes and waited for his lips against hers expectantly. He was so sweet. She knew that he knew that she wanted to take things slowly and he never ever grew tired. She could tell he wanted to kiss her tonight at the park and if he had held her gaze a moment longer she would have reached up and brushed her lips against his……. _

_But this was the perfect kiss that never was. Before they had time to touch, her father came storming out of the house. Martin pulled away, startled by the noise. "You come in here you little bitch and I'm going to kick your sorry ass." Brian Spade shouted, grabbing Samantha's arm and dragging her to the door, completely ignoring Martin. He stank of Vodka and weed and Samantha looked scared. She knew he meant every word._

_Martin followed her and stopped her father from slamming the door in his face. "Martin, please, just go." Samantha pleaded._

"_Who the hell are you?" Brian Spade said, rounding on Martin._

_Martin ignored him. "Let go of her." he said._

_Brian chuckled nastily. "You can't tell me how to treat my own daughter. F--k off and get out of my house." he ordered, tightening his grip on Samantha's wrist. She winced in pain._

"_Get off of her!" Martin shouted, reaching over to try and loosen his grip. Brian swung a fist at him and knocked Martin to the floor._

"_Get out before I phone the police and have you arrested for trespassing." Brian spat._

"_Let Samantha go before I have you locked up for violence, physical and verbal abuse and possession of cannabis." Martin retorted, meeting Brian Spade's every glare. He didn't know where he found the courage to say these things. Sam's father was three times as big as he was but it was like it didn't matter as long as it got Samantha safe._

_Brian went to hit him but Martin ducked in time and rammed at him at full pelt, knocking him crashing into the wall. Samantha moved out of her father's reach. "Martin, don't. He'll-"_

_Brian regained his balance and whacked Martin on the side of the face. "Who's the smart ass now?" he grinned nastily._

"_You son of a bitch." Martin muttered under his breath. He grabbed Samantha's hand and dragged her outside. "Come on, you're staying at my place tonight."_

"_Your parents-"_

"_My parents won't mind. Come on." he said. She got in the car._

_Brian Spade came running up to them._

"_Samantha! Get out of that car NOW or you're going to f- -king die!" he screamed. _

_Martin put his foot on the gas and sped off._

_Martin pulled up at his house and they got out of the car in silence. If Samantha hadn't been in so much shock at what had just occurred at her house, she would probably have been daunted by the size of Martin's house and the posh expensive cars which lined the drive, but as it was all she could do was grip tightly to Martin's hand as he led her to the door. "I want you to ignore all my Dad says to you. Subtlety isn't his strong point and-"_

"_Yeah, I get it." Samantha said. She could second-guess what Martin was hinting at. His Dad thought that she wasn't good enough for him. Right now she didn't have time to worry about that. She stopped him just before he opened the front door. "Martin, I don't want you or your Dad to get the police involved." She said._

_Martin looked down at her, concerned. "It'll be alright Sam, your parents won't be able to-"_

"_It's not that. It's just ………… whatever they've done, they're still my parents and there's only a few months to go and I don't want them locked up and put away for this." Samantha said, struggling to explain._

"_Sam …."_

"_Please Martin." She begged. "No police."_

_Martin nodded reluctantly. "Okay, no police." He said opening the door._

_They walked into a large hallway and it was like walking into a different world. Everything was made out of white stone with mock Roman columns either side of the door. Long curtains decorated the borders of the windows, photos lined the walls and the place was neat and spotless. _

_An Asian woman hurried up to them. "Oh my God Master Fitzgerald, have you been fighting? What have you been up to?" she said anxiously._

"_I'm fine Mary, really. Have you seen my parents?" he asked._

"_They're in the living room." The maid replied._

_Samantha shifted nervously. She felt awkward and out of place here and standing here with grass stains on her jeans and her hair all windswept, she certainly didn't think it was the best time to make a good impression on Martin's parents._

_Martin held her hand tighter and smiled her reassuringly as they followed Mary into the living room._

"_Mom, Dad. This is Samantha." Martin announced as they walked into the spacious room. It was brightly lit by many overhanging lamps. Bookshelves and a piano lined the walls and in the centre were three luxurious settees and several armchairs. Beth Fitzgerald switched the TV off and Victor put down the newspaper._

"_Wow, this is a surprise." Beth said smiling, getting up to greet Samantha but her face quickly turned to one of concern. "Martin – your face." She exclaimed, touching Martin's cheek. He winced. "Mary, get bag of ice quickly." She instructed._

_Martin sighed and sat down on a settee with Samantha sitting closer to him for comfort than was strictly necessary. _

"_Have you been fighting?" Victor Fitzgerald asked, staring at Martin piercingly. _

_Martin looked away, he didn't know what Samantha wanted them to know and what she didn't._

"_Martin was taking me home…." Samantha started. "My Dad, he was going to hit me – he was just drunk as usual – it's no big deal…….. Martin tried to stop him and-"_

_Victor stood up and grabbed the phone. "I'm calling the police."_

"_No." Martin and Samantha shouted at the same time. Martin's parents looked shocked._

"_Please Mr Fitzgerald, I don't want the police involved." Samantha said urgently. "They don't mean it …. They're just drunk all the time and they can't control what they say or do."_

"_But they've abused you, your father hit my son ………. You have every right to press charges." Victor said incredulously._

"_Dad. Please." Martin said forcefully._

_Victor sat back down and surveyed his son and his son's girlfriend silently. Mary came in with the ice and some cloths and he watched as Samantha arranged the ice bundle carefully before helping Martin place it against the bruise. _

"_Are either of you hungry?" Beth asked, trying to cut through the awkward silence. "Do you want some tea, some biscuits? I've got those lovely cakes that Mrs Hatherely brought round ……."_

"_No, we're fine thanks Mom." Martin replied._

"_Samantha, how long as this been going on?" Victor Fitzgerald questioned, going into FBI mode._

"_I-" Samantha looked away. She didn't feel comfortable talking about this with anyone – not even Martin._

_Martin held the ice pack against his face with one hand and put his arm around Samantha, drawing her closer with his other._

_Victor saw the pain which had filled Samantha's eyes on the mention of her parents slowly fade as she leant into Martin's embrace. Maybe they had a connection which he, as an overbearing father, couldn't understand. Years of working for the Government had made him into a cynic, always ready to think the worst. Maybe Martin needed her to keep him grounded as much as she needed him. "Okay, we won't talk about it." He said quietly. "You're safe now, you'll stay here tonight." Victor noticed his son's face relax and knew that he had said the right things._

"_Come on sweetheart." Beth said motherly. "I'll show you your room and get you some nightclothes." _

_Martin put down the bag of ice and planted a kiss on Samantha's forehead. "I'll see you in a minute." He said softly. Samantha nodded and followed his mother out upstairs leaving Victor and Martin alone._

"_Thank you." He said to his father._

_Victor nodded. "I'm sorry for what I said earlier. She needs you and she seems a nice girl. You really should invite her round properly next time so we can get to know her." Sometimes he hated how he had to sound so formal, even when he was talking to his own son. From Martin's point of view, it probably just sounded like it was something he had been told to say by his wife._

_Martin nodded gratefully. "Thanks. For understanding."_

_Martin climbed the familiar stairs and walked into his bedroom. Samantha was sitting on his bed, wearing a pair of his sister's tracksuit bottoms and a T-Shirt. "Hey, I thought I'd wait to say goodnight." She smiled._

_Martin sat down on the bed next to her and gave her a cuddle. "Your room okay?"_

"_Yeah, it's lovely. Your Mom's really nice. How's your face?" she asked._

"_I'll live. How are you? The thing with your Dad shook you up pretty bad." He said, rubbing her arm._

_Samantha sighed. "Just part of the daily routine. I try not to think about it when I'm not at home." She shivered. Martin pulled a blanket out from underneath them and cocooned them inside it. She looked into his eyes. "Thank you for standing up for me back at my place. It was very brave."_

_Martin smiled. "It's okay." They were so close to each other now, he felt like he was on fire._

"_Kiss me." Samantha said softly, resting a hand on his leg. Martin looked at her questioningly. "Kiss me." She repeated. They kissed gently and tentatively at first but she soon deepened the kiss. She felt Martin's hands come up to her face and his hands entwine in her hair. She felt so alive and complete. _

_She pulled away and leant her forehead against his. "I'll come with you to the Prom." She said with a smile._

_Martin returned her smile happily and lay down flat on his back. Samantha climbed on top of him, dragging the blanket with her. "How did I get to date the handsomest guy in the school?" she asked dreamingly, kissing his neck._

"_I know, it seems unfair when all I got was you!" Martin said cheekily. Samantha grabbed the pillow and hit him with it playfully. "Don't make me tickle you." He threatened. Samantha stopped and laughed. "Come on, we should get to sleep, we've got school tomorrow."_

_Samantha sighed and rested her head on her boyfriend's chest. "Can I stay here? It's just so comfortable lying here with you." She asked quietly. _

"_Okay, as long as you don't hog the blanket." He grinned, leaning over and switching off the lamp before cuddling up next to Samantha._

_Victor watched them settle down and sleep in each other's arms and quietly closed Martin's bedroom door. _

"_You trust them sleeping in the same room?" Beth asked, walking down the hallway to her husband._

_Victor turned. "Yes, I trust them." Beth smiled and let her husband draw her into his arms. "You were right." He said. "Samantha's a good girl and she makes our son happy. Nothing else matters." He said kissing his wife's forehead. _

**A/N:- I think there was a healthy amount of fluff in this chapter …. Samantha and Martin are so cute together! Okies, find out the reason behind the tension in the F.B.I office between Martin and Samantha in the next chapter!**


	3. Start To Feel The Emptiness

**Chapter Three: Start To Feel The Emptiness**

_**Disclaimer: As much as I would like to own Eric Close, the F.B.I and Without A Trace, alas I only have the licence to dream. The plot is mine, my own, my preciousssssssssssss.**_

**A/N:- Wow. Again wow at the feedback you guys have been giving me. I don't deserve it but thanks all the same. This chapter may not be particularly exciting but the next one will make up for that. Definitely.**

_Dedicated to:_

_Spooky Bibi, NightMage, Raspberry Muffin, Taintedpromises, WithoutATraceFreak, Ariel3JLP, Briana, Sam rules, Any, Scgirl-317, Give Love A Break, Agent Elrond 007 (I was aware of the music thing when I was writing it but I thought what the heck ….. it's 10 years btw and Idlewild were around then anyway! Hehe), Jtsideout389, Klutz101, Equestrian Babe, Lau_

"_You feeling okay?" Martin asked, wrapping his arms around Samantha and smiling at her happily._

"_Never better." She grinned. Champagne was flowing all around them and the hall was fully of laughing couples and cheerful friends. It was the Prom. An event usually dreaded by Samantha but this year everything was wonderful. Martin had turned up on her doorstep holding a rose, looking absolutely gorgeous in his tuxedo. A chauffeur driven car had taken them to the hotel hired out by the school and Martin had never stopped complimenting her the whole evening. She had danced every dance, mostly with Martin but also with Robert, Zach and Tom at their insistence. They had certainly grown on her and they could all have serious conversations or a laugh together. She also had quite a few girls coming up to her apologising for their past behaviour, keen to make amends before they all met back for their High school reunion to find that Samantha was rich and famous and it was too late to be friends with her ……._

_Martin couldn't believe that there he was, at the Prom, with the most beautiful girl there as his date. His Mom had insisted on taking Samantha shopping for a prom dress but had refused to tell Martin anything about it so when Samantha stepped out of her door that evening, he was actually speechless. She wore a bluey-purpley strapless dress that swept the floor, showing off her figure fantastically. Her lovely blonde hair was curled and lay resting on her shoulders, contrasting wonderfully with the purpleness of her dress. Her make up was subtle yet beautiful and Martin was soon at a loss for words to describe how stunning she looked. _

_It had been the perfect evening and now as the last song started to play and Martin led Samantha out onto the dance floor, he began to fully understand the meaning of what he felt for her._

_Samantha reached up and wrapped her arms around Martin's neck as they slowly moved in time to LeAnn Rimes' 'How Do I Live.' She could feel Martin's hands on her back but slowly move lower as he drew her into a lingering kiss. It was the perfect kiss._

_When they pulled apart for air, Martin kept eye contact. "You're very special to me." He started quietly. "These past few months have been amazing. I've never felt like this before." He tenderly moved a strand of hair out of her eyes. "When I'm with you I feel like I'm above the clouds, flying and I never ever want to come back down." _

_Samantha looked into Martin's dreamy blue eyes. The way he was looking at her. No one had ever looked at her like that before. She felt like she was falling and there was no way out. The chemistry was there, she could hardly breathe, she felt so in …….lo- …………. _

_Just as Samantha felt like she could never be happier, something deep down in the murky depths of her heart started rising up. Images of all those other times she had completely invested herself emotionally in something only to have it all come crashing down, rushed through her head. She felt the pain, the hurt, looking into Martin's eyes right now, she could visualise the powerless wreck she would become if things ended between them. She knew her heart would shatter into a million pieces – and right now she was on the point of giving it her all. One more moment with him and there was no going back. The Samantha she knew was in control of everything, powerful, level-headed but now when she was with Martin she felt out of control, she no longer had the power over her emotions…………. Suddenly she felt scared beyond belief._

"_Sam," Martin started. He could feel her trembling and she had such a faraway, unreadable look in her eyes. He was sure it was because she could feel the connection between them as well. "Sam, I think I'm-"_

_Everything was pounding very hard: her head, her heart, her chest. Her head and her heart were telling her two different things. She was petrified of what Martin was about to say, she was petrified of letting herself cross the line, she was petrified of flying without a safety rope. _

_She pulled away, turned, and ran out of the hall, ignoring the rivers of tears pouring down her face. She felt dizzy and sick and her heart was aching, aching like hell._

_Martin felt her pull away and run and shock and confusion set in. Did she sense what he was about to say, had he scared her away by telling her how he truly felt – he was so sure that she felt the same way. A few people turned round to look at him curiously but most were too wrapped up in their own happy relationships to notice or care. Martin tried to push his way off the crowded dance floor and ran out of the hotel and looked around but he couldn't see her anywhere. He spent the whole night driving and looking for her all over town, calling her name, ringing her cell phone, but he got no reply. By 5am he thought that maybe she just needed her own space and tomorrow he would have her knocking on his door apologising. _

_Martin never saw Samantha again for another ten years._

Samantha took her seat at the conference table and fixed her eyes solidly on the wall in front of her.

Jack sat down. "Samantha, I'm not asking for an explanation. I just need to know whether you two are going to be able to work together in the same team?" Jack asked diplomatically.

"Yes, I'm sorry." Samantha sighed. Martin nodded.

"Right. Onto our Hilky's case. We've had a call about a sighting near St Georges' Hospital, Samantha and Vivian I want you two to go and check it out, Danny take a look at her medical records. Martin you're coming with me to take a second look around her apartment." Jack ordered.

……………………………………

That evening saw the team back in the office having found Alison Hilky safe but locked in a cupboard by her crazy ex-boyfriend. Vivian and Danny were busy writing up reports and Martin was sorting out his desk.

Samantha stood up to put her coat on. Martin watched her. Now that the initial shock of seeing his childhood sweetheart who ran away from him, working in the same office as him was over, he expected to feel years of bottled up anger and frustration hit him but he wasn't cross with her at all. He just ached. He ached to be able to finally find out why she had run, why she had left him, why in that split second everything had changed.

"Hey Samantha, do you want to go grab a drink and catch up?" he asked hopefully.

Samantha froze. When the guy from her past walked into her life that morning her first thought was that she was dreaming. If truth be told, it had taken her more than a couple of years to completely get over Martin. She had spent many sleepless nights convincing herself that she did the right thing but each time her heart told her that she had run away from the best thing that had ever happened to her. Now she was going to keep her distance to avoid letting herself be reminded about all the wonderful things about Martin Fitzgerald. He was trying to be nice? Why was he trying to be nice? She had hurt him so badly, she had broken his heart, seeing her again should have made him mad at her. She knew that she owed him an explanation. Goodness knows how he had got closure without it. But where to start? How to drag up all that pain? How to justify her actions that, ten years ago, seemed like a good idea to her, but now seemed like the worst mistake she could ever have made? When Samantha Spade didn't know what to say, she said nothing at all.

She grabbed her bag and walked out of the office without a word.

Martin watched her go. Now he felt angry and even though he thought he'd buried all his frustration, he felt hurt. Twice now, she had just left him standing there without an explanation. Did she not expect him to want to talk about it? Why couldn't she just talk to him?

"I wouldn't worry about it." Vivian said, cutting into his thoughts. "Samantha can be, erm, temperamental."

"And it's not just because it's that time of the month." Danny added. "She's like that all the time."

_Martin had spent the last two weeks since the Prom, calling Samantha at all hours, putting notes through her door, sending letters through the post, ringing on her doorbell until her father chased him away. No one had seen her. No one else could get hold of her. He hadn't slept in days. He was worried about her. He was scared that she had tried to end it all again until he had managed to get Alice Spade to talk to him long enough to tell him that she was fine but never wanted to hear from him again. _

_It had been a sweltering hot week but Martin had swept all of it indoors, locked in his room refusing to come out even at mealtimes. He avoided his father and refused to talk to his mother. His friends had tried to drag him out to the park or the beach but he had just ignored them. Now it was an insufferably stuffy night. He scaled the back wall easily and dropped down the other side into the Spade's back garden. It looked like no one had mown it for months. He looked up and saw the light was on in Samantha's room and she, like every other person in her road who didn't have air conditioning, had her window open. _

"_Samantha!" he called. "Samantha!" No movement. He started chucking pebbles at the window. "I know you can hear me Sam! Please, talk to me. You can't just run out like that and ignore all my calls and notes. If I've done something wrong I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you, I promise. Just please talk to me!" He didn't care that her next-door neighbour's curtains started to twitch. "Sam, please. This is eating me up. I need you. I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried everything. Just talk to me, tell me what I've done wrong, that's all I'm asking. Please. Sam." he shouted._

_Samantha sat on her bed, leaning against the wall. She could hear him calling for her outside again, the third night in a row. She couldn't stop crying. Every time she had to listen to his voicemail messages or heard him calling for her, it ripped her heart out. She had taken to deleting his messages and his notes lay unopened. _

_Suddenly she heard the backdoor open and her father scream at Martin. There was a thud and then she heard something go crashing into the trashcans. She couldn't bear it anymore, she pressed her face to the window and was about to call out, tell Martin how sorry she was but it was too late. He had got himself up and was running down the street with her father hot on his heels. She closed her eyes and fell back on her bed._

**A/N:- Talk about irrational Samantha. Ouch. I feel so sorry for poor Marty. How are they ever going to work things out? Those of you looking for a deeper explanation of why Sam did what she did, it's coming in a later chapter!**

**You won't believe how long it took me to choose a song Martin and Sam could dance to at their Prom. Most of the music I own comes from the Rock genre and although it would be amusing imagining them dancing to Oasis or Idlewild, it would kind of ruin the mood so I dug out some soppy music and decided to scrap the originality and go for LeAnn Rimes 'How Do I Live'. If any of you wish to re-enact Samantha and Martin's dancing then I have it on good authority that it is possible to slow dance to it though I've never tried it myself. Hehe.**


	4. A Picture Framed With All The Thoughts Y...

**Chapter Four: A Picture Framed With All The Thoughts You Know You Hold Inside**

_**Disclaimer: As much as I would like to own Eric Close, the F.B.I and Without A Trace, alas I only have the licence to dream. The plot is mine, my own, my preciousssssssssssss.**_

**A/N:- I apologise in advance for this chapter. I have developed a condition called Muzzy's Marty Superhero Complex ………………. you'll see……**

_Dedicated to:_

_Spooky Bibi (I've never listened to any Bryan Adams in my life so if I did it's just a coincidence so I apologise to him and you!), Raspberry Muffin, EquestrianBabe, Sammy (Heya! You may have to wait a bit for the warm fuzzies …..), Rach5. TerribleFish (It's cool that you can read this even if you don't like the shipping.), Jtsideout389, NightMage, Missusmesser, Give Love A Break._

The next few weeks rolled past and Samantha and Martin hardly spoke to each other. Samantha was still continuing with her campaign to deny that any feelings she had for him were real and it hurt Martin to even look at her. Jack had tactically avoided pairing them up under the pretence of Martin needing to be with a more senior Agent i.e. him or Vivian. He had been suitably impressed by Martin's work so far – he was tactical, insightful and worked with a thirst to prove himself. After some outstanding work on the Calon case a few days ago, he had even gained Danny's seal of approval and Jack had seen them head off for a night on the town together. Samantha on the other hand, had retreated further into her shell than Jack had even thought possible. She had flatly refused to go out for a drink with the rest of them on Friday nights and she avoided eating in the FBI canteen at lunchtime.

"Samantha, Danny, what did you get out of Cassie Roberts' school teachers?" Jack asked as the team gathered round the whiteboard to report back.

"She's a model student, top grades, her college application all sorted out." Samantha started.

"But her English teacher had noticed she seemed a little distracted in class recently." Danny continued. "Her friends said that ever since her mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer, she had seemed depressed but when they tried to talk to her about it, she insisted that she was coping."

"Boyfriend?"

"She broke up with Richard Hemmings last month before the news about her Mom came through."

"Her parents said that she seemed fine as well. Cassie and her Mom had been spending a lot of time together since the diagnosis and Mrs Roberts hadn't noticed anything wrong. They thought she was taking the news remarkably well." Vivian explained.

"So, what are you thinking?" Jack mused.

Vivian shrugged. "It's sounds a lot like suicide to me." she sighed. "Her break-up could have hit her badly, then the news about her Mom, who knows what else goes through a seventeen year-old girl's head these days ……."

"Okay." Danny said reading a piece of paper handed to him. "Her car's just been sighted on the Freeway heading toward Phili."

"She has a horse in a stable out there." Martin said. "There's a lot of woodland, barns ….."

"Martin, I want you to head out there. Samantha, she might feel more inclined to talk to you, go with him. Okay?" Jack instructed. There was a slight hesitation before Samantha and Martin nodded. "I want you to keep your radio on in the car. Viv, Danny and I will be following you as soon as I finish things up at this end."

Samantha and Martin headed their way down to the car park in silence. She didn't want this to become unprofessional and she didn't even bother to argue when Martin automatically got into the driver's seat.

As they sped along the Freeway at the maximum speed, Martin couldn't bear to pass up the opportunity of questioning Samantha, now that she was trapped in a car with no escape. "All I want to know is what did I do wrong?" Martin said breaking the silence.

Samantha closed her eyes and hit her head on the headrest. "Martin, please don't start."

"What? Was it that bad that I don't even deserve an explanation?" Martin said, irritably.

"It was ten years ago, why do we have to bring up the past?"

"Because I've spent every minute of the last ten years trying to understand what happened." Martin said bitterly, keeping his eyes on the road.

"You did nothing wrong." Samantha sighed.

"Then what? Why?" Martin pushed, he could feel himself getting worked up which was unusual for him.

"Martin, don't-"

"Do you have any idea how I felt? Do you know what it was like?"

"I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean for things to turn out like they did-"

"And yet I still don't get an explanation! All I want-"

"Guys …." came a voice through the radio.

"Dammit." Martin swore, hitting the wheel of the car – he had forgotten that the radio was on.

"Guys do you reckon you could forget about the last ten years for the next ten minutes so you might actually have a crack at saving this girl's life?" Jack bluntly into his radio.

"Sorry." Martin and Samantha muttered shamefully.

"Gees, those two have serious issues with each other." Vivian said from the back of the car in which she, Danny and Jack were travelling.

"Something big must have happened to create so much tension between them ten years later." Danny exclaimed. "You sure it was wise sending them in there together?"

"Yeah, let them sweat it out." Jack muttered.

Martin fixed his eyes on the road ahead. They were out of town now, in the country, and he knew the stables were off the next turning. The silence in the car was stifling and he loosened the knot on his tie and took a deep breath, focussing on thoughts of Cassie Roberts and not on the person sitting next to him. He turned off of the road onto a sandy dirt track leading to the farm and put his foot down hard on the gas.

The place seemed deserted except for a few horses out in the paddock and a Toyota Jeep.

"It's her car." Samantha said, comparing the registration she had on the photo in her lap with the one on the car ahead. "Why the hell did she drive all the way out here to do this?"

Martin stopped the car and they climbed out. "Maybe she wanted to go out with a bang." He muttered, looking at the ground where a few matchsticks were scattered.

They exchanged a worried glance. "There's footsteps leading to the barn, come on." he exclaimed. They ran over, pulling on their F.B.I jackets as they went.

"Jack, we're going in." he said into his radio.

Samantha put her ear against the panelling but there was silence. Martin got out his gun and she followed suit. The adrenaline was running through her and her blood was pumping as it always did during the climax of a case. She only hoped that they weren't too late.

"One ….. Two …Three …" Martin mouthed and they both kicked down the door and rushed into the barn, guns raised and on guard.

The first thing Samantha noticed as they ran in was the hay everywhere then she felt like she was about to throw up as the pungent smell of lighter fluid filled her lungs. She bent over and gagged impulsively.

Martin kept a hand on Samantha's back to steady her as he examined the room over the barrel of his gun, trying not to let the fumes go to his head. Hay soaked in lighter fluid covered every inch of the ground. Empty bottles of the flammable liquid lay stashed in the corner along with what looked like cans of paint stripper. Five large bundles of hay lay stacked up against the side wall and there, standing opposite them, monitoring their every move was Cassie Roberts.

She was watching them guardedly, her eyes red from crying. At her feet were an open photo album, a teddy bear and some personal effects. In her hand she gripped a box of matches tightly. If she set fire to the place, they would have less than 30 seconds to get out unhurt.

"Cassie, we're F.B.I." Samantha said. Martin lowered his gun. "We just want to help you."

"You can't help me." the girl said quietly. "It's too late for that."

Samantha put away her gun and took a couple steps closer.

"Come any nearer and I'll light it before either of you can run." Cassie threatened.

"You don't want to do this Cassie, not really. I know at the moment you think that you've got nothing worth living for, but trust me there's still so much left for you to do." Samantha continued.

"My Mom's dying from an incurable disease, my Dad completely breaks down and cries when he thinks my Mom and I can't see him, I know my friends and teachers talk about me when I'm not there 'Look there's poor Cassie, first Richard dumped her and now she's going to lose her Mom……..'" Cassie said bitterly. "I'm fed up with putting on a brave face, acting like I'm coping with everything when I'm not."

"I know how you're feeling." Samantha said quietly. "I've been where you are now. I know that you don't want to end things, not really. You just want an escape, get away from it be, be somewhere else where you don't have to deal with the things you're going through now."

"You don't know how I feel."

"I do. Please. Let's just get out of here and then we can talk about it." Samantha said pleadingly.

Cassie looked like she was hesitating but then her eyes were filled with an even stronger look of resolve. She lit the match. "You're not going to be able to talk me out of doing this. Get out now before I drop it." she said seriously.

"Cassie, please." Samantha said.

Samantha glanced at Martin. They knew that in a suicide case, if their lives were in danger, they had to get themselves out of there and forget about the victim – there was nothing they could do.

Martin met her glance, she was looking at him pleadingly. She didn't want to give up on this girl. She had been this girl.

Martin edged forwards, he looked at the match - thankfully it was one of those special BBQ ones and was longer than normal ones. He had a minute to do some quick talking and to persuade her Cassie not to drop it. He felt like he was being taken back ten years – he could visualise Samantha standing there now with the pills in her hand and the look of fierce determination on her face.

"Cassie, please, think about all the people who care about you. Think about your Mom, think about how this is eating her up. If you do this, she'll blame herself, blame herself for the rest of her life. What about your father? How do you think he's feeling? He needs you to be there with him through this difficult time. And your friends – they want to help. They only talk about you behind your back because you won't let them talk to you." Martin said.

Something in Cassie's face changed. Martin held his hands out and took a couple of steps nearer. He could feel Samantha's eyes on the back of his head. "Cassie, blow out that match and come to me. I'm not going to hurt you. I want to help. You have to trust me. You have to trust me that things are going to get better for you." he continued quietly. The flame was moving dangerously close to the end of the match.

Cassie locked gazes with Martin and he could tell he had broken through to her. "Okay." she said quietly but then she screamed in pain as the flame hit her hand and she dropped the match instinctively.

The hay caught alight immediately and the whole place started to go up in flames. Martin thought quickly. "Samantha." he shouted. "Get out of here!" He then dodged the flames and made his way over to Cassie. Everything was blazing. The whole floor now resembled a pit of fire. They had to get out of there. He grabbed Cassie's arm and dragged her all the way through the flames and out of the barn door just as the bundles of hay caught alight and the walls started to burn.

Martin breathed in the cool air. Next to him, Cassie knelt on the ground. She looked traumatised and her face was covered in soot but she didn't seem hurt too badly. Paramedics, which Jack had called, came rushing towards him and Cassie. He could see one of them calling the fire brigade. Police cars were pulling up and people came running out of nearby farmhouses. Jack and the rest of the team would be here soon.

Suddenly there was an almighty crash behind and the roof of the barn started to cave in.

"Come on, let's get you well away from there." an ambulance man said, bringing them an oxygen mask each.

"Where's Samantha?" Martin asked, as soon as he got his breath back.

"Who?" the man asked. "You two are the only ones who came out of there."

Martin whirled round. She was nowhere to be seen. As the realisation hit him, his eyes narrowed, he focussed on the burning barn. Everything else had gone blurry, it seemed like his eyesight was failing him as a hundred and one things rushed through his mind. He didn't even stop to think. He knew it was madness. If he went back in there, the chances of coming back out alive was next to nothing. But it didn't seem to bother him. Samantha was all that mattered. Samantha was all that ever mattered.

Martin started running back towards the barn at full pelt. He could feel the ambulance man try to grab hold of his jacket to stop him but he pushed him off. Everyone was shouting at him to stop but his legs kept moving. As he got closer, the heat of the fire hit him. He took his last breath of clean air and walked into the flames.

The last thing Samantha remembered clearly was the relief she felt as she saw that Martin had managed to talk Cassie out of suicide and then a scream and she soon found herself engulfed in flames. She could hear Martin shouting something at her but her brain wasn't registering what he was saying. She knew she should run but the flames were rising up all around her and she panicked. She couldn't think clearly. She backed up into the corner, the flames lapping around her feet. She wanted to shout for help but her mouth was all dry and she could hardly breathe, she sank to the floor. The heat was killing her, she was sweating everywhere, all her strength was evaporated. All she could see was orange. Something was burning. It was the sleeve of her jacket. Suddenly something was falling towards her, she felt dizzy. "Trust me." she muttered incoherently. And then black.

The heat was unbearable and he couldn't breathe. He felt his jacket catch fire and his hair singeing. Everything was burning. The black smoke prevented him from seeing anything. His shoes were melting - he could smell the burning leather. He felt like he was walking on hot coals. The black fumes were filling his head. He knew it wouldn't be long until he passed out from the lack of oxygen. He stumbled over to where he had last seen Samantha. He bent down on his knees and started to crawl. He actually was on fire now, his jacket, his trousers, his skin. The reek of plastic told him that his radio was burning too. Funnily enough he couldn't feel the pain - just a numbing feeling all over. His mind was slipping. He wanted to just roll over and give up. Something was telling him to move on though. He moved a few paces and could just make out a panel of the corrugated iron from the roof. It had smothered the flames in the area out and Martin reached out to move it, forgetting that it was metal. He couldn't describe the pain. His sense of touch seemed to die then. Samantha was lying on her front underneath. She was not moving. He couldn't tell if he was too late or not. The flames, the fire, the burning, the heat, didn't seem to matter anymore. He flung Samantha over his shoulder, staggered to his feet shakily and made his way towards the open air as fast as he could.

Martin was dimly aware of the release of cold air on his face. Figures were running towards them. He stumbled a few paces away from the barn until his legs gave way completely. He laid Samantha on the ground. She started coughing and her eyes opened and looked at Martin. Martin leant over and smothered the flames which were still alight on her clothes. He didn't have the energy anymore. He threw himself on the ground and rolled around to put out the fire which he was still engulfed in. He couldn't see anything. He could hardly breathe. He felt like he was floating in midair for a minute. Then the adrenaline ran out and his brain registered the serious pain he was in. Martin let out a scream of agony. With his last bit of energy he reached for his gun. He felt like his whole body was still on fire, he was burning, burning. He wanted to end it. His hand made for the barrel but his pistol was red-hot and his brain physically wouldn't let him touch it again. He gasped for air but it was like his lungs wouldn't let any in. Then darkness.

Jack sped across the field. "Oh God." Vivian exclaimed, seeing the burning barn ahead. The three Agents got out of the car and ran forwards, pushing the shocked civilians out of the way. Jack saw a doctor tending to Cassie. Where was Martin and Samantha?

Suddenly a horrific scream pierced the air. The three of them whirled round and saw two figures laying on the ground near the barn. Paramedics were rushing towards them. Samantha he recognised but he could only assume the other one was Martin. Where the large yellow letters of 'F.B.I' were once written on his jacket there was now a gaping hole. He was completely black from head to toe and if it wasn't for his screams of agony, Jack would actually think he was dead.

Danny walked closer. He couldn't believe the state his two friends were in. He was in shock, they all were. Jack looked like he had been stunned. He saw Vivian take one look at Martin and then run to a bush to vomit. He felt sick to the stomach as well and couldn't hold back the tears that fell down his face.

…………………………………………………………….

Samantha opened her eyes tentatively and closed them again as the glare of the hospital lights burned into the back of her eyes.

She heard someone mutter "She's awake." And she tried to say something only to realise that the oxygen mask over her mouth prevented her from saying anything at all. She saw Vivian hover near her bedside and moved the headrest on the bed so that she was up in a sitting position, revealing the two other previously unseen figures in the room. She used her left hand to take off the mask, noticing that she had a needle coming out of her wrist. She squirmed uncomfortably. She went to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear only to find her right arm completely wrapped in bandages.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Vivian asked, sitting back down.

"Like I've been run over by a tractor." She sighed.

"You are extremely lucky." Jack said. "Stuck at the heart of a burning building for more than three minutes, the doctors expected you to have burns over 90 of your body. One minute more in there and your lungs couldn't have taken it."

Suddenly it dawned. Burning building. Barn. Cassie Roberts. "So, how long do I have until I work again?" she asked. Something was nagging at the back of her mind.

Danny chuckled. "Mind always on your work."

"Well, you have burns all the way up your arm and the bandages won't be able to come off for a few days, your back will be sore for many weeks and you have minor burns on your legs, but seeing as your breathing is almost already back to normal, you can be discharged tomorrow and back to work in a week." Jack answered.

"There's a whole pile of paperwork waiting." Laughed Vivian.

Samantha forced a smile. That thing, nagging, it was on the tip of her tongue.

"You seem ……… distracted." Danny said.

Then it hit. "Martin. How's Martin?" she spurted out worriedly. The other three exchanged anxious looks. "I want to know." She urged.

"He's in intensive care." Jack said quietly. "We haven't been allowed to see him yet."

"But he's going to be fine, right?" Samantha asked.

Vivian hesitated. "He's in a bad way."

Samantha closed her eyes. Martin, his face covered in soot, leaning over her. The intensity in his face. "Bad. How bad?"

"I don't think-"

"Tell me." Samantha said forcefully.

Jack swallowed. The doctors had said that it was best to keep the news from her for as long as possible in case the guilt-trauma sets in, but he knew Samantha and he knew that she wouldn't rest until she knew the truth. "He has severe burns on both legs, major burns on his right arm, second-degree burns on his side and back, minor burns on his neck …….. and his left arm ……………. They thought they might have to amputate it …."

"Oh my God." Samantha said, shocked.

"They don't but Martin had to undergo some major operation on it …….. it'll be many months before he'll be able to take the bandage off. He has lost all sense of touch in that hand as well……. He's having difficulty breathing on his own right now ……" he took a deep breath. "But Martin will pull through. I'm sure of it."

"He shouldn't have come back for me." Samantha said softly.

"If he didn't go back then, without a doubt, you would not be here." Danny told her.

Samantha looked at him, her eyes all watery. "I know." She said softly. Then she looked away. There was an uncomfortable silence only interrupted by a knock on the door. Samantha felt her insides tighten up. She braced herself for the onslaught.

"Victor, Hi." Jack said, standing up and shaking hands with the Deputy Director General. "How is he?"

Victor Fitzgerald had the same grim look on his face that he usually wore around the office and home when something wasn't going his way. In fact for most people, that was the only look they had ever seen him wear. "They won't let me go in and see him yet." He paused and fixed his eyes on Samantha accusingly. "He's not stable enough."

"He'll be fine." Vivian assured him.

Victor dismissed her comments and took a few steps closer to the bed. "Agent Spade." He said, his voice cold and removed. "It appears that Martin's your very own guardian angel."

Samantha met his gaze challengingly. She didn't need him piling on the guilt right now. "You don't think I was worth the risk, do you?" she said steadily. She felt like she was back in their house, being introduced to him for the first time. Back then, she had been too preoccupied with thoughts of her father to let it bother her, but she wasn't blind to the way Victor Fitzgerald looked at her. She would never be good enough for Martin.

Victor looked at her silently. Five years ago when he had been reading through the end of year reports and had seen who had been appointed as a new member for the New York Missing Persons Unit, his eyes had narrowed. Martin had never told either him or his wife what had happened between him and Samantha but he knew she had just left and broken his heart. The fact that she was good at her job and gained exemplary reviews only increased his dislike. He knew she was not good news from the start but the most annoying thing was that he had let himself be talked round by Martin and Beth. He gave this girl a chance for Martin's sake. And then she turned out to be the scum he had predicted. He would never forget the way Martin was for months after the Prom. He was like a whole different person, eaten up with frustration and grief. Now when he had finally got his life back together she was sitting here with only a few scratches whilst his own son – his pride and joy – was teetering on the edge of life and death because of her. Again. He knew she knew what he thought of her. They had never met in the ten years in between but now that Martin was working in New York, he guessed they were going to come face to face more often. The weak, troubled girl had grown into an ultra-confident, brilliantly minded woman. Again, he never fully understood how, all of a sudden, Martin and her had started dating back in high school, but he got the impression that Martin had helped her change her life around. And got nothing in return.

Victor shrugged. "Still I guess it saves the Bureau money from having to train another Agent to replace you." He said matter-of-factly.

Danny stood up, angry at having Samantha spoken to in such a way.

"Victor, that was uncalled for." Jack said gravely. Victor Fitzgerald. One of the big guns but he wasn't afraid of him. He knew what they were all like in Washington. The way they looked down at everyone around them. He had expected Martin to be just like his father but he had been refreshingly different.

Victor looked at him icily and glanced at Vivian and Danny. "Agent Malone. Whilst it's very touching that you're all so concerned for Miss Spade, I think your time could be better used back at the office writing up reports, don't you?" he said before walking out of the room.

Samantha breathed out a sigh of relief as he left. "I can't believe how rude he was to you Samantha!" Danny exclaimed.

"I think he's just a bit shocked that he nearly lost his only son and he just had to take out his frustration on someone." Vivian said diplomatically.

"As Deputy Director General that doesn't give him any excuse to speak to any Agent like that – practically telling her that she didn't deserve to be alive whilst his son was suffering." Jack said.

Samantha sighed. "Agent Fitzgerald and I don't exactly get on."

Danny leaned forward. "Are we ever going to find out your and Martin's little back-story?" he asked curiously. "You seemed ready to throttle each other in the car earlier."

"Yeah, I practically bite his head off for bringing up something he has every right to want to talk about and then he goes and saves my life. I'm not feeling too good about that right now."

"Sorry." Danny said.

Samantha shrugged. "You guys should get back. I'll be fine." She said.

"If you're sure-" Jack said, standing up.

"Sure. I'm a little tired and feel like a sleep now anyway." She yawned.

Vivian, Danny and Jack nodded and said their goodbyes. Samantha put her oxygen mask back on and closed her eyes, trying to convince herself that Martin was going to be alright.

**A/N:- Is he going to be alright? I was going to give you a cliffhanger ending and finish this chapter outside the burning barn but I thought that would be too evil since you may have to wait a bit before the next update. I have exams all the way through June which unfortunately have to take priority but I _might_ be able to update once more beforehand. We'll see. Anyway, hope you enjoyed. **


	5. From Time To Time We All Are Blinded

**Chapter Five: From Time To Time We All Are Blinded**

_**Disclaimer: As much as I would like to own Eric Close, the F.B.I and Without A Trace, alas I only have the licence to dream. The plot is mine, my own, my preciousssssssssssss.**_

**A/N:- My exams still haven't finished. Grrrr. But immersing myself in the fabulous world of Without A Trace takes away the pain. Revision is a lost cause. Onto the story ……… Poor Marty.**

_Dedicated to: Raspberry Muffin, NightMage (Thanks, I quite liked that line myself. Glad it came across as powerful. Yeah, poor old Victor I think he needs some sympathy), Spooky Bibi, Rach5 (Thanks, I need all the luck I can get!), Jtsideout389, Maelle, Without A Trace Freak (I couldn't bear writing too extreme angst so no fear!), Briana, Anny, EquestrianBabe (No horses were harmed in the writing of this fic!), Isabell, Berta101, Give Love A Break, Tea_

She could feel the heat of the fire getting stronger and stronger. The flames were spreading and getting unceasingly closer. There was nowhere to escape. She could hardly breathe. Something was burning …. She was burning ……………..

Samantha woke up with a start, her heart pounding and her body covered in sweat. Someone had taken her oxygen mask away, changed the bandages on her arm and taken the wires out of her body. "Nightmare?" a Nurse asked, coming in with a glass of water. Samantha nodded and took a sip of the water thankfully.

"Could you tell me how Martin Fitzgerald is?" she asked when she had got her breath back.

"He'll be okay." The Nurse said, straightening Samantha's pillows.

"Can I see him?" she asked.

The Nurse pulled away and looked at her. "Less than twenty-four hours ago you were involved in a serious traumatic accident. You're not even allowed out of bed."

"I'm fine. Look – I can breathe unaided and no more wires. ... Please. I need to see him." Samantha pleaded.

The Nurse examined her charts. "He's drugged up on Morphine and he's in a deep deep sleep."

"I know, I just want to sit with him a bit." Samantha insisted.

The Nurse looked at her unsurely. "You work with him for the F.B.I don't you?" she asked.

Samantha nodded. "He saved my life. I just need to see with my own eyes that he's okay."

The Nurse sighed. She had seen plenty of these cases before. She was tired and nearing the end of her shift and the last thing she needed was to be bugged constantly by this patient. "Okay." She said helping Samantha out of bed. "But only for a little while."

Samantha walked slowly but steadily into the room. It was eerily silent and everything was still. She sat down in the seat next to Martin. His eyes were closed and if it wasn't for the wavy line on the machine in front of her, she would have thought he was dead. The hospital blankets were pulled right up to his chin, covering his torso and legs so she didn't know how badly hurt he was, but they had certainly cleaned up his face pretty well. He had been lucky in that respect. His hair was slightly singed and he had a graze down his left cheek but apart from that his head was untouched. He had bandages all the way up his left arm, a bit like her. Except where she just had a couple of layers, his arm was cocooned in the white material. His fingers stuck out at the end, each one connected to a wire probably tracking whether the nerves in them were dead. The guilt flooded over her. On his right arm there were medical swabs covering his arm, held in place with surgical tape and painful blisters on the palm of his hand. A transparent cable running underneath his nose was inserting oxygen into his nostrils and he was connected to a drip and many other machines monitoring his body.

Suddenly the words she had been searching for for the past ten years came to her, and she placed his right hand in hers and squeezed it gently. "Martin, I'm sorry." She started. She probably realised how stupid this was, saying this aloud but she had to get it out of her. "I'm sorry that you're lying here now, probably in so much pain when I'm here, a bit beaten up, but fine. You don't deserve this. Just like I didn't deserve to be rescued after the way I've treated you. You've probably spent the past ten years wondering what you did wrong, blaming yourself for something you haven't done and then when you come asking for an explanation, I just gunned you down acting like you were the bad person when actually it was me all along." She swallowed. She could feel the tears starting to well up and run down her face. She gave a small laugh. "God this is so much easier when you're asleep. I've run over how I was going to explain this to you a hundred times in my head but then that day you came walking right back into my life, I froze. I expected you to at least be mad at me, I expected you to shout and say all those things you must have wanted to say to me for ten years ……….. but you didn't. You were nice. And I built up a wall again to stop me from feeling guilty. I pushed you away, again, even when you were extending the hand of friendship to someone who didn't deserve it." She paused and moved her chair closer. "That day, at the Prom, when you were saying all those things, making me feel so good about myself, making me so happy, starting a sentence which I know if I'd stopped to hear the end of it, would have changed my whole life. But I ran. Now it seems so stupid and selfish but I was scared. I was scared of being truly happy for the first time in my life and I was scared of what would have happened if things hadn't worked out between us. I was afraid of putting one hundred percent trust in you, in us, in what we could have been. I was saving myself from getting hurt in the future and didn't stop to think how much it would hurt you in the present." She swallowed, the flow of tears getting heavier. "Hurt us. I kept telling myself I'd done the right thing but deep down I think I knew the truth. I've never told you this but you were the best thing in my life and – and I loved you ….."

"You should tell him that when he's awake." Came a voice from the doorway.

Samantha jumped and wiped her wet eyes on the back of her hand furiously. "Oh, hi Cassie, I didn't see you there." She said, taking a deep breath.

"I wasn't eavesdropping." Cassie said walking up to the bed. "I'd just come to say sorry."

"For what?" Samantha said distractedly, trying to regain her hold on her emotions after her release.

Cassie sat down on the chair next to Samantha. She had come out the least hurt out of the three of them with only some minor burns to her hand. "For nearly killing you and Agent Fitzgerald."

Samantha heaved a sigh. "It's all part of the job. We understand the risks."

"I was being selfish. I thought that if I ended it all then I would be in paradise, nothing else could go wrong in my life but I didn't stop to think that it would have been a permanent solution to the pain and also how much it would affect the people around me." Cassie continued. "When you guys showed up and said those things, I realised how stupid I was being. I didn't want a way out anymore. When I dropped the match, I didn't mean to do it, believe me, I'd heard what Agent Fitzgerald had to say, I didn't want to end things, I didn't want to blow the whole place up but the flame hit my finger and it fell out of my hands …. Please believe me that I didn't mean to do it."

Samantha took her eyes off of Martin's sleeping form and looked at the girl with untidy dark hair, looking at her pleadingly, wanting her to understand. Samantha did understand. She had been that girl. "I know." She said softly. "I know what must have been going through your head when you decided to end it. I know how you must have felt, the pain, the inner anguish. I've been there myself Cassie." She said.

Cassie Roberts looked surprised that this confident, successful F.B.I Agent had just been as weak as her. "Who saved you?"

A look of haunting pain came into her eyes as she looked back down at Martin. "The same person who saved you." She said quietly.

"Wow, you've known each other from high school – must be fun working together." Cassie enthused.

Samantha shook her head. "Not really. Actually, just before we walked into that barn to get you, we had been arguing over something which had happened ten years ago. It was my fault – there's this void between us which is also my fault. And for him to come back and save me again …………."

"What happened?" Cassie asked.

Samantha took a deep breath. Maybe it would be good to actually talk to someone about it. "We were in our last year of High School. Martin was the cool kid, head boy, captain of the sports teams with his ultra-rich friends, always surrounded by a crowd of pretty girls, and I, I guess I was a bit of a dork, but I'd always believed that it was okay to be different." She sighed. "My life at home was like hell – abusive drunks as parents ……… one day I decided I'd had enough and I was going to give up at trying to make my life work. I went round the back of the bike sheds at school and was about to throw a dozen pills into my mouth when Martin showed up and stopped me. I didn't think he'd ever looked at me twice but he said he wanted to help – and he did. We started dating and it was the most surreal thing. I had climbed twenty rungs of the social ladder in twenty minutes because I was with Martin but he wasn't like that. He was kind and sweet and handsome and most importantly he understood me. He was there for me when I needed him most and he was this amazing guy who really cared ……………….." she trailed off.

"What happened?"

"We went to the Prom and during the very last dance, Martin began to tell me something and I was scared of what he was about to tell me so I just ran off and I didn't talk to him again for another ten years."

"You just ran off and left him?" Cassie exclaimed, flabbergasted.

"Yeah, stupid, huh?" Samantha said, looking sideways at her. "I've never told anyone that before. I want you to know that now you've got a second chance at things, don't mess things up. Be there for those you love but at the same time let people into your life who want to be there for you. Understand?"

Cassie nodded. "I'm sure that you and Agent Fitzgerald will work things out."

"Maybe." Samantha muttered.

"And when he wakes up tell him what you were telling him before." Cassie smiled, standing up. "And say 'Sorry' and 'Thank you' from me." She said before leaving the room. As she left, the Nurse came back in.

"Agent Spade, you really need to leave and get back and get some rest." She instructed.

"Two more minutes."

"You shouldn't even be here-"

"Please?" Samantha pleaded.

The Nurse gave her a look. "Two more minutes – that's it." She said firmly, closing the door behind her.

Samantha stood up and leant over Martin. He was still just as gorgeous as he was ten years ago but now in a more rough and ragged way. Back then he didn't have the weight of responsibility he had nowadays, he hadn't had to rely on coffee instead of a goodnight's sleep, life had been so much simpler in high school. She cupped his face in her hand. He had stubble on his chin from where he hadn't shaved in a couple of days and she thought it made him look even cuter. "I'm sorry for everything." she said before bending down and placing a lingering kiss on his lips before leaving the room.

…………………………………………………………..

Martin walked out of the elevator into the empty corridor. Empty. That was unusual for a start.

Even though it had taken him 45 minutes to dress for work he was glad to be back, wearing his suit and I.D with a gun on his belt, doing something to take his mind off his injuries. Although he walked with a limp, the burns on his legs had healed quite well and a couple more days he would be able to take the dressings off for good. The wounds on his body still needed treatment but they didn't hurt like they used to and his right arm was almost back to normal – the blisters had gone and although the skin on his arm was still sensitive, he could do with not wearing any bandages. His left arm on the other hand…………………. He could stand having pain. Pain you could treat with painkillers but not being able to feel anything at all…….. it was so frustrating. The burns on his actual arm were still very bad and his whole arm had to be kept bandaged up. His hand itself ….. he could move his fingers about – he could even hold things (although he still couldn't handle buttons or laces) – but he could not feel what he was holding. The sessions with the physiotherapist would see him closing his eyes and picking different objects up but he had no idea what they were, what they were made out of, whether it was hot or cold or had sharp spikes coming out of it - he couldn't feel anything. It was messing with his head and the last couple of days had seen him practically go about his daily tasks one-handedly rather than use his left hand.

He made his way down to the office and paused to have a look through the blinds. No one was by their desks, instead they were all gathered in a big group in the centre. He didn't like how this was looking. Suddenly there were hushed whispers of "He's coming." and Danny walked out of the door up to him. "Heya buddy. Welcome back to work." he greeted.

"What's going on?" Martin asked warily as Danny began to lead him to the door. He should have known something was up when Jack and then Danny phoned to double-check and triple-check that he was definitely coming back today.

As they walked through the door everyone started cheering and party poppers started going off. Everyone was grinning at him. There was a massive banner on the wall which read "Welcome Back Martin!". "What's all this for?" he asked.

"You're the office hero Fitzy!" Danny said, slapping Martin on the back before leaving him.

The whole room was full of other Agents, mostly people he had never spoken to before in his entire life. They were all gathering round him now, showering him with different coloured string and paper, shouting different things, raising glasses of sparkling wine. He blanched at the attention. Back when he was head boy, he lapped it up but now he felt embarrassed and uncomfortable.

Jack approached him and shook his hand. "Welcome back."

"Seriously, you don't have to do this ………" Martin said.

Jack grinned. "You deserve it."

"If I'd known then I wouldn't have come in today." Martin said, laughing good-naturedly as Vivian shook his hand.

"I'm glad you're back." she smiled.

The talking died down to low murmurs as Samantha emerged from the crowd.

Martin waited for her to walk forward expectantly. He didn't really know what she would say or what to say in reply. He guessed this brought back a whole lot of different memories from the past for both of them. The moments that followed the one behind the bike shed.

Danny had visited him the most when he was still in hospital and Jack and Vivian had found the time to pop in a few times but Samantha always seemed to miss visiting hours. He resented the fact that it seemed like she didn't care that he was in there because he had saved her life - until he found out that she had visited. Quite a few times. When he was asleep. He found grapes, flowers and magazines on his bedside table and when he asked the nurses, they told him that a pretty blonde lady with a bandage had brought them.

Martin had felt hurt that, after all the years, the fact that she had been the one to run off and the small matter that he had just risked everything to save her life, they still couldn't talk. He knew it wasn't ungratefulness on her part. She had not come to see him when he was awake because she wanted to avoid the conversation, she wanted to avoid digging up the past – and yet it was because they had not talked about it that they couldn't move on, get over it, work on their friendship.

She looked well. She no longer had a bandage on her arm and although she had chopped an inch off the end of her hair where it had caught on fire, no one would have guessed from looking at her what she had gone through and how close to death she had been.

"Heya." she said holding out her hand. Martin shook it. He knew that he would seem distant and unfeeling but at the moment that was all he could manage towards her.

"Are you okay? she asked, biting her bottom lip, aware that everyone was looking at them. "Well, I mean obviously you're not okay because your arm's in a bandage and you've got burns over your body but ….." she said nervously. She didn't know what to say to him. How do you thank someone for saving your life twice.

Martin gave her a small smile. She was obviously flustered and at a loss for words. Putting off their first conversation since the accident until a time when hundreds of eyes were on them, obviously wasn't a good idea after all. She took a deep breath. "Thank you." she said simply looking into his eyes, trying to tell him through a look how truly grateful she was. It seemed like he understood. "I can only imagine how much pain you must be in ….. and I don't think I'm worth that …….. after everything." she said quietly.

Martin opened his mouth to say something but he got interrupted by someone shouting "Come on Sam! I think the man who saved your life, deserves more than a handshake!"

There was an awkward moment where Samantha looked unsurely at Martin but he just smiled and opened his arms. She embraced him and although he was smiling, his hold was stiff and formal …… she didn't know whether it was because the wounds on his body made it painful to hug anyone or because it was symbolic of their relationship at the moment. He held her for a bit and she rested her head on his shoulder lightly. She inhaled his smell and it took her back ten years and being so close to him again only made her miss him more. "Thank you." she said again and on impulse she leant up and kissed him gently on the cheek. There were a couple of wolf-whistles and cheers. She hated how, being young and blonde, certain Agents still couldn't get past the sexism and still saw her as the office eye-candy. She pulled away and turned without meeting Martin's gaze. She wasn't sure she wanted to know how he reacted.

Martin stood there, feeling a little lost and shaken by having Samantha in his arms again, if only for a minute. What he really wanted was to be allowed to leave and get out of the centre of this ridiculous circle. Suddenly the noise and talking stopped and Martin didn't have to look far to see why. 'What the hell is he doing here?' Martin thought as Frank Salders, the Director of the F.B.I walked towards him. If Jack was Martin's boss and Van Doren was his boss then Chief Agent Salders was the boss of his boss of his boss of his boss of his boss – the granddaddy of them all. Salders had been the Head of the F.B.I. for as long as Victor Fitzgerald had been deputy – 12 years – and Martin had seen him a couple of times during the important work dinners his father used to hold at their house. Frank Salders was a man to be respected and admired. He started as a junior Agent in Miami and worked his way all up the tree saving many lives along the way. Office talk said that if you had something to hide then he was a man to be feared and he ran a tight ship but he was fair and spent an enormous amount of his energy looking after the welfare of his agents.

"Agent Fitzgerald." he said, taking Martin's hand in a tight grip.

"Sir." Martin said.

"I'm glad you're on the mend." he said in the same gruff, authoritative voice. He then addressed the whole office. "You're probably wondering why I've taken a trip down from HQ to be with you here today." he said. "Well, quite simply, I'm here for the same reason as all of you: to honour the bravery of Agent Fitzgerald." He paused and Martin felt like he would be quite happy to sink into the floor here and now. "As I'm sure all of you know, a few weeks ago, Fitzgerald put his own life at risk to re-enter a burning building to save the life of his fellow Agent. Now, all protocols and all the handbooks in the world can tell you that this was a stupid and idiotic thing to do but the simple truth is that, no matter how much you may like to go by the book, if he hadn't done what he had done then Agent Spade wouldn't be here today. It was a brave and selfless act on such a scale that cannot go unnoticed."

Martin watched as another Agent came up and handed the Director some things. He didn't like where this was going. He felt such a fraud being rewarded for doing something he had no choice in. Samantha was hurt so he went to rescue her. It's what his heart was telling him to do. There was no other way.

"Agent Fitzgerald, I would like to give you the highest award we have in the F.B.I – the Wooselvet Award, in honour of your outstanding bravery and heroism." Frank Salders said. "Here-"

"With all due respect Sir, I cannot accept this." Martin said, interrupting the Director in mid-flow. A surprised murmur went round the room. Vivian raised her eyes in surprise, Danny looked shocked and Samantha breathed in deeply but Jack didn't blink an eyelid. His face was set and he hid any signs of surprise he might have remarkably well. But he wasn't surprised. Jack Malone knew people. And he knew Martin. Fifteen years ago, he had been just like Martin. Focussed, committed, motivated, not afraid to voice his opinion and he knew that for him, like it was for Martin now, accepting something which put him above the rest would be like degrading the work they did as a team.

Martin hastened to explain himself. "Sir, as far as I'm concerned, what I did was just part of the job. It's the work I do, the work we all do. I don't think it's justifiable to give someone an award for doing their job."

"Fitzgerald, you went far beyond what this job requires you to do. What you did was courageous, noble, heroic - "

"And very selfish." Martin finished for him. Everyone looked at him in shock. "It was selfish because I don't think I could bear to live with the guilt for the rest of my life if I just stood by and did nothing." he paused. The room was silent. "The whats the ifs the maybes …….If it was a choice between having a dead arm and a few burns or the thought of laying in bed every night and having visions of your former work colleague, who you might have had a chance to save, haunt your dreams for the rest of your lives, what would you choose?" he said confidently.

The Director looked at him with renewed respect. "Wow. That's very humbling." he said. "But when it comes down to it, for whatever reasons you did it, you still put your life at grave risk to save another Agent and that is why I insist you have this award." Agent Salders said. Martin didn't say anything but he had the look of resignation on his face. He took the shield, the certificate and his new deployment belt with the buckle shaped as an eagle, and let the Director pin the gold eagle badge on his suit as a sign of bravery. He shook hands with him again and nodded his thanks.

The room start cheering and clapping again until he heard someone order everyone to get back to work and the crowd dispersed. He headed over to his team. Jack gripped his hand again.

"That was very noble." Jack said. "I'm proud of you."

…………………………………………….

Martin looked at the clock on his desk. 7.30 pm. He leant back in his seat tiredly. After his little Welcome-Back celebrations and award presentation, he had spent the day stuck in the office researching and struggling to catch up on a month's worth of paperwork whilst the other four did all the fieldwork and ran down leads for their latest case. He hated being stuck in the office like he had for the first few weeks when he had first joined, but it hadn't been unexpected. Whilst his arm was still bad, Jack wouldn't risk him. He threw down his pen and stood up. Danny had slipped out ages ago and Vivian had left an hour ago. He glanced over at Samantha. She was seated at her computer, staring at the screen, running a search.

Samantha heard Martin get up and get ready to leave and stood up and walked up to him. She needed him to know. It was time to get it out in the open. "Martin." she said. He turned and looked at her. "I just want you to know how much I appreciate what you did for me – coming back. You've saved my life twice now."

"I'm not planning on making a habit of it." he said, grabbing his bag with his unhurt hand.

She blanched and tried to ignore his less than friendly approach. "Do you, erm, do you want to go and grab a drink?" she asked, biting her bottom lift, nervously. She really hoped he would say yes. She knew that whilst he had been civil to her all day, he was still hurting from her refusal to be open with him.

Martin felt something warm inside of him. She was finally melting, it had finally broken through to her that she had to stop treating him as the enemy. But after ten years of making excuses to himself for her, he needed to push away, reject her, let her know what it felt like. He wondered bitterly if she would be willing to talk if he hadn't just nearly died. "It's late. I need to get home." he said finally.

Samantha's heart sank but she wasn't surprised. "Okay ….. maybe some other time."

Martin didn't say anything to that. "Good night." he said turning round and heading towards the door.

Samantha watched him walk away and suddenly found the confidence to say to him what she had found so easy to say when he had been asleep. "Martin ….. that day … when I ran off ……I was afraid of what you were going to say.…." He stopped walking but he didn't turn round. Samantha felt awkward. They should be having this conversation somewhere quiet not in the middle of the office where anyone could walk in on them at any time. "I was afraid of walking past the point of no return and letting myself for fall you completely. I was afraid of reaching the point where things weren't perfect anymore and I was scared of losing you ……. I know it sounds stupid. You were the one thing that was working in my life and this amazing guy …. and I just turned it all away. I was selfish, escaping before I could get hurt, not stopping to think how much it would hurt you. I'm not asking you to understand – I don't even know what I was thinking that day anymore. I just hope that one day, you can forgive me."

Her words hung in the air. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest. She wished he didn't have his back to her so she could see what he was thinking.

Martin let her words sink in. He didn't know whether he felt worse now that he knew. She had left …. because she was afraid of the future ….. afraid of losing him so she walked before it reached that point ….. He felt a flash of anger shudder through him …… but deep down he understood. Considering all the people in her life up until that point had betrayed her trust and hurt her, he kind of understood her twisted logic. He just wished she had told him this ten years earlier so he could persuade her that he was never going to walk out on her. He knew he should turn round and tell her what he was thinking. Tell her that he understood – well sort of - and that he forgave her but he was tired and the sores on his back were starting to irritate him. The painkillers had worn off and he was exhausted. He just wasn't in the right frame of mind to hug and make up. "Well, it's just as well that you left when you did, since I was about to ……that day …… I was going to say …. that I thought I loved you." he said, his voice coming out frostier than he had intended. Then he walked out without a backwards glance.

His words stung. Samantha stood in the middle of the room for a while after he had left, not knowing what to think. She didn't know what she had expected but she had never felt as guilty as she had felt now. She wished that he had just turned and shouted at her, telling her she was stupid for breaking his heart over some irrational fear ….. the distance he was now putting between them and the disappointment he had in his voice was even worse.

**A/N:- And there you are the end of the chapter. Now I need to go and try this new activity …….. I think people call it revision …….. Oh and reviews make me happy. **


	6. If You Land On Your Feet

**Chapter Six: If You Land On Your Feet**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, Without A Trace or the F.B.I. I do however own my imagination, my Muse, my insanity, my fangirliness and my dreams.**_

**A/N:- Thanks to everyone who wished me luck. Exams are over for better or for worse ….. I think probably for the worse but hey, on the plus side my Muse has come out of hibernation and I have many ideas for fanfics.**

_Dedicated To:_

_Berta101, Spooky Bibi, Lapmal, Give Love A Break, Isabell, Missusmesser (Very true. Just as well we don't need to pass exams when we have fanfiction otherwise I'd be screwed!), Jtsideout389, Tea, Without A Trace Freak, NightMage, Briana, Ariel3JLP (Thanks for the long review. The praise is undeserved and you know it! Yeah, Martin was a bit OoC at the end but I think we have to cut him a little bit of slack!), EquestrianBabe_

Jack Malone stood out on the corridor, looking through the glass into the FBI Fitness centre below. He watched Martin's face tense and focus on the punch bag in front of him before punching it as hard as he could repeatedly. Jack sighed. He could only imagine Martin's frustration at being able to use his left arm but still not being able to be declared fully fit. He had admired Martin's determination to work through his injuries. He had regained his original strength in his legs and his right arm and even though his left arm was still technically without feeling, he could hold a gun and aim pretty well with it. The team had managed to work quite well with only four of them out on the field but Jack was under no false impression the stress Martin was under at being able to do the best background research and fingerprint matching in the office but still not being able to go and do the real work, being out there in the action …………….

"How is he doing?" a voice asked.

Jack turned slightly as Victor Fitzgerald came and stood next to him, watching Martin leave the punch bag and heading over to the gym mats before going through some fight practise with the judo instructor. "He's doing remarkably well. If he got the sense of touch back in his left hand and could take his bandage off then he'll be back to normal." Jack said formally.

"The Doctors said that it could return at anytime ….. until then you're effectively one Agent short. We can put Martin on sick leave and give you a temp …..?" Victor suggested.

"No, we're fine." Jack said. He knew how defeated Martin would feel if he was told he couldn't even be in the office. Jack sometimes felt he knew Martin better than his own father. "If every Agent had the same fierce determination as Martin then the FBI would be very lucky." he said, starting to walk away to go back to the office.

Victor followed him. "Look Jack, I know that day at the hospital I was less than professional …………… what I said to Agent Spade was uncalled for and-"

"Don't you think you should be apologising to her then?" Jack said before walking off. The frostiness which had always existed between the two men had never been so apparent.

Victor glared at Jack's retreating back silently.

Martin blocked the instructor's every punch and kick forcefully and every attack was on target. It felt good working up a sweat and letting his pent up frustration out. "Okay, you're done for today." the instructor said at last, letting Martin go. He grabbed a towel with FBI printed all over it and wiped the sweat off his face before heading back to the changing room. He had been out of the office all morning. First was firearms re-training then the physiotherapist, then this. He knew that every Agent who was hospitalised for more than ten days had to go through the same rehabilitation process but the annoying thing was that Martin knew that two-thirds of it wasn't even helping. His shot with the gun was almost perfect, and his left hand was just as steady as always despite the fact he couldn't even feel the metal in his fingers …… and the physiotherapist …. well, every time he saw her, he ended up coming out more depressed and annoyed at himself that there was still no improvement with his left arm.

Martin walked into the changing rooms and pulled off his FBI tank top and tracksuit bottoms and had a shower before putting on his work suit and shirt. He sat down on the benches and was just re-bandaging his left arm when the door opened and his father walked in. "Martin, hi!" his father said.

Martin tensed up again. He wasn't exactly overjoyed at seeing him. "Hi."

"How are you doing?"

"Apart from being stuck in the office all the time and having a dead arm I'm fine." Martin replied with a sigh.

"Bravery does have its cost you know."

Martin's face set and looked at his father stonily. "What are you implying?"

His father didn't say anything but moved on hastily. "Sorry I wasn't there when the Director presented you with the award – I was in an inescapable meeting."

Martin shrugged. "I didn't deserve it anyway." he said, stuffing his towel into his bag.

"You're too modest Martin – you get that from your mother." Victor said. There was a pause. "Well, as long as you're not regretting your decision to save Agent Spade …… it was very heroic but ill-advised …."

Martin dropped his bag and turned on his father. "Tell me one thing – why did you send me to the New York office if you hate her so much? Why did you send me here anyway without telling me she'd be here?"

Victor shrugged. "You said you wanted to see New York. Besides, your mother thought it would be a chance for you to get answers."

Martin shook his head and laughed dryly. It was always the case. His mother always had to tell his father how to act around him. If it wasn't for his mother, Martin didn't even think he and his father would still be talking.

"Well, did she tell you why she broke your heart? Was I right about her all along?" Victor pushed.

"Yes she did tell me. You weren't right about Samantha. Mom was right. She was scared." Martin said, slinging his bag over his shoulder and heading towards the door.

"Martin, I don't want you to be …… renewing ….. any feelings you have for her …. Now you're working in the same office, it would be unprofessional and ……"

"……. And ten years later you still don't approve of her. She's still not good enough for you." Martin shot.

"It's not me I'm thinking of Martin." Victor said sternly. "It's you."

"For your peace of mind, there's nothing going on between Samantha and I but that's not because of anything you've said or tried to make me believe about her. I saved her life because, rightly or wrongly, I still care about her and that's something which you're going to have to learn to accept." Martin said forcefully before walking out of the room, leaving the doors swinging behind him.

………………………………….

Martin walked into the office, still worked up from the conversation with his father. Vivian and Samantha were at their desks and Jack was talking to Danny but he looked up as Martin entered.

"Sorry I'm late." Martin said, putting his stuff down on his desk. "I had a run-in with my father."

Samantha looked up and caught his gaze. She looked back down quickly. Why was it that she was always going to be an issue between Martin and his father? Still, if they had been arguing about her again then at least that meant Martin still cared enough to stand up for her and ignore what his father had to say.

"Yeah, I saw him earlier as well." Jack said grimacing. "Okay, new case in: Sarah Freedman, 23, works part time in a 'gentleman's' club on 42nd Street."

"Yeah, I know it." Martin said. Everyone turned to look at him and Danny's face broke into a grin. "I pass it on my way home – it's near where I live." he said, explaining himself quickly.

Jack hid a smile and continued. "She's been missing for 30 hours, last seen at the club on Wednesday night. So far we one suspect: Harry Stiles. 40 year-old, divorced twice – had a run-in with Sarah last month. Most of the girls in the club do more than just lap-dance and strip, but she refused his offer of $250 for a night at his place. Apparently he had been pestering her for the last three weeks and the owner had to throw him out a few times but he always managed to crawl his way back in. We think maybe he has an accomplice inside the club."

"Did anyone see anything on the night?"

"We've had no reports and no one's saying anything." Vivian answered. "We're running out of leads."

"Okay, Martin and Samantha I want you to run a search on all the girls that work in the club and any regulars. Vivian, talk to the parents again. Danny you're coming with me to question the boss." Jack ordered.

The other three left the office and Samantha walked up to Martin and dropped a pile of files on his desk. "Fifty-two lap-dancers - all of them potential accomplices." she sighed, pulling up a chair. "We practically had to threaten Donald Yates, the boss to get hold of these.

Martin took his bag off the desk to make way for the files. He took the top file and opened in it. Fastened to the top was a very risqué picture of Debbie 'Cherry' Liton. "Debbie Liton, 28, lives in Brooklyn ….. blahdeeblah ……… size of breasts …. preferred underwear ……. special moves ………. These are some files." he said raising his eyebrows.

Samantha looked over. "You like red headed strippers with large assets because I've got another one here." she said waving a file at him.

"You know that I only like pretty blonde FBI Agents." Martin said tongue in cheek grinning at her.

Samantha laughed and dropped her eyes to the file in front of her. She remembered that day, ten years ago, walking home from the cinema when they had laughed about the film and she'd teased him about the female lead in it. The irony in it.

Samantha glanced over another file with a faint hint of a smile on her lips. Martin's cool, distant façade that he had had the day that he had returned from the hospital hadn't lasted and by the next morning he was back to his normal cheerful self. Now that everything was out in the open, they hadn't talked about the past again, but the air between them had cleared as if they came to a mutual understanding that it was necessary if they were going to be working together. Their friendship was slowly growing back and they even managed the old laughing and joking with each other. It brought back memories of how happy Samantha had been back then ……. Martin had always been able to make her laugh, have fun and feel good, and nothing had changed.

Before Martin had joined the team, Danny used to often joke that whenever Samantha laughed then something was definitely wrong, but these past few weeks since things between her and Martin had got better, she always seemed to be laughing at his immature behaviour or witty remarks coupled with her sarcasm. There were times when they were alone together, like now, looking through files or statements or working on a report together that their conversation would take on a bit of a …. flirtatious nature? She wasn't even aware she was doing it half the time, and she was sure Martin wasn't 'flirting' but just being his relaxed, charming self which is what had made Samantha fall for him in the first place …. ……

"Look at this one." Martin said, drawing Samantha out of her thoughts. "Stacie 'Blossom' Jones." he said, showing Samantha a picture of a tall, slender, very pretty brunette, dressed in a golden costume revealing most of her chest area. "Some one's scribbled 'Queen' next to it, watcha reckon that means?"

"In a strip club there's always going to be a dominant one, the ring-leader, the one who's most 'successful' at her job and I'm guessing that Yates has nominated Blossom as being the one. She'll probably get paid a little bit more and will be used to pull the rich, hardcore business men and not the regular sleaze monkeys that go to these joints night after night." she explained, looking back down at Yvette 'Star' Olderton's file. Martin didn't move and she could feel his eyes on her. "What?" she questioned, looking up again.

"How come you know so much about the innermost workings of a strip club?" he asked, a smile hovering on his lips.

"What are you suggesting?" she challenged.

"Nothing. I mean I don't have a problem with women earning a little bit of extra money ….. you've got nothing to be ashamed off." Martin said, leafing through another file.

Samantha grabbed the nearest file and whacked Martin over the head with it repeatedly.

"Okay, okay, I was only joking." he said, surrendering. "Still, I think you'd look kinda good in all this skimpy stuff." he muttered under his breath playfully.

"Don't make me hurt you." she threatened, turning her back, before Martin could see her smile. "You know, we're never going to get anywhere by doing this. I'm going to run through the list of customers." she said getting up. "I'll leave you with your files of half-naked women." she said to Martin before walking back over to her desk.

Martin watched her walk away and his face broke into a grin. There was never any chance that he was going to be able to stay mad at her. The irony was that she was the reason his left arm was so badly hurt but when he was with her, she took away the frustration he felt at not being able to go out on the field with the rest of them. He couldn't understand it but it was like their eighteen year-old selves interacting in the present day environment. His feelings for Samantha had never gone away – that was one of the main reasons he had been prepared to risk everything to save her – and now they were actually talking to each other like they used to, he couldn't deny that the attraction between them was growing as strong as it was ten years ago. But no matter what, she had hurt him – and hurt herself in the process - and it was going to be awhile before either of them had the courage to put themselves on the line again.

"Hey, you have Hailey Rogers' file there?" Samantha called.

Martin dug through the pile. "Uhuh," he said opening it and walking over. "Her most regular customer is ….. Harry Stiles."

"Bingo." Samantha muttered, leaning back in her chair, pleased at her success.

"Well done." Martin said.

"Okay so Stiles gets Hailey to help him kidnap or murder Sarah Freedman……. maybe he offers her a lot of money to do it …." Samantha mused aloud.

"Why would Harry Stiles want to go to so much trouble to harm Sarah just because she won't sleep with him?" Martin asked. "It doesn't make sense. There's got to be more going on below the surface."

"Well, we're about to find out what." Samantha said, getting up from her desk and sitting down at the conference table as Jack, Danny and Vivian came back.

"Drugs." Jack stated firmly, pulling out a chair. "According to Yates, they have a bit of a drug 'problem' there. All we could get out of him was that Stiles is the big supplier, Sarah was doing coke but couldn't come up with the money to pay for her last batch, Stiles said he'd forget about the debt if she'd sleep with him ……"

"Well, the parents don't have a clue about her drug problem." Vivian sighed. "Or about her job."

"Did you find out anything about accomplices?" Jack asked turning to Martin and Samantha.

"Yeah. Hailey Rogers. Apparently she's 'reserved' for Stiles only." Samantha said. "She's got a record for petty theft but that's it."

"So Stiles and Rogers take Sarah because she hasn't been keeping up with her payments and do what with her?" Danny asked.

"I don't know. If he's a drug dealer, he's going to want to get the money out of her, not murder her. Maybe he's bribing her boyfriend, carrying out a quiet ransom ……." Jack sighed.

"There's no record of a regular boyfriend in Sarah's life." Martin said.

"Maybe her parents aren't telling the truth."

"Yeah, maybe." said Vivian.

"You said Harry Stiles was a regular at the club …… How regular?" Jack asked Samantha.

"You got a plan?" questioned Danny.

"Maybe." Jack said.

"Erm, 5 nights a week from 8 until midnight. Like clockwork." Samantha reported, looking up from the file.

"Right." Jack said, looking squarely at the rest of the team. "My guess is that he's going to turn up there as usual tonight – he'll want to deal and get more dole in, plus it'll avoid arousing suspicion if he's there as usual. Hailey will show up as well. They'll probably leave Sarah locked away somewhere………. we're gonna go undercover on this one. Get in there, watch their movements, arrest them for possessions of drugs, get them to speak. Everyone get the idea?"

They all nodded. Martin sighed. He guessed that this would mean another evening stuck in the office alone finishing up paperwork whilst everyone else was out on this case.

"Danny, I want you to go in." Jack said. Danny nodded. There was a pause as if Jack was running something over in his mind. "Martin too." he said at last.

Martin looked surprised. "Seriously?"

Jack smiled. He knew how much giving him a chance to be active in a case again would mean to Martin. "You up for it?"

"Definitely." Martin grinned.

"Good because I can hardly send Viv or Sam in there and I think Maria would never let me in the house again if I went." Jack laughed. "We're gonna do surveillance round the back and have NYPD covering the front. Danny, Martin do you want to go and get ready?"

They nodded and headed off, laughing and joking with each other at the thought of the potential fun this case could bring. Samantha looked at Jack unsurely. "Jack, do you think it's wise putting Martin in there?" Samantha said, wringing her hands together.

"According to the recuperation report, the lack of feeling in his left arm isn't hindering his ability as an Agent at all." Jack said.

"I know but if something went wrong ……. he's still got the bandage …. and is it worth the risk?"

Jack looked at her. "I wouldn't send him on this if I thought he wasn't fully ready." Samantha opened her mouth to say something but Jack interrupted. "I know that you feel personally responsible for his safety right now, after everything, but this will be good for him, I promise."

………………………………………………

The five of them stood near the white van in the back alley, Danny and Martin dressed in jeans and casual shirts.

"I wouldn't put your gun in your pocket." Martin said, looking over at Danny. "They'll probably go down there."

Danny looked at him and grinned. "Well, what did you do with yours?" he demanded.

Martin rolled up his trouser leg to reveal his gun wedged in the side of his shoe and some rope tying it to his leg. Samantha saw the scars still very visible on his legs and felt a pang of guilt again.

"Good thinking." Danny said, doing the same, as Martin rolled his jeans back down again.

"Okay, are you both wired?" Jack asked finishing up his call.

"Yeah, I'm modelling the latest technology. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the microphone watch." Danny answered, revealing what would look like an ordinary watch to the untrained eye.

"Martin?"

"Mike's concealed under the bandages." he said, lifting up his left arm.

"We've managed to hack into the club's CCTV and we'll be watching your every move from the van." Jack explained. "You both clear what you're doing?" They nodded. It was starting to drizzle and Samantha shivered in her thin FBI jacket. "I want you to avoid having too much fun in there." Jack said pointedly. "Focus."

Danny laughed and Martin smiled but frankly he was actually quite nervous. First day out on the field and he gets this job: he needed this to go smoothly. He had something to prove to himself - and to Jack for putting faith in him. He glanced down at Samantha who was standing next to him.

She caught his gaze. "You'll be fine." she smiled touching his arm before climbing into the van.

Martin took a deep breath. "Okay, let's go." he said determinedly.

"Behave yourself." Vivian warned with a smile.

Samantha sat down in a tight corner in front of a buzzing computer screen and pulled on her headset. "Samantha, I want you to monitor Martin, Vivian you got Danny. If there's any sign that Stiles is about to do a runner then we need to get in there." Jack instructed.

Samantha nodded and selected Camera one which was situated at the doorway of the club. Two busty blondes were standing there, luring customers in: A businessman, a civil servant …. and then Martin and Danny. She zoomed in on Martin and followed him as he moved across the screen. She could feel the butterflies in her stomach which were usually only reserved for when she was undercover herself, now she was anxious on Martin's behalf. Her resurfacing feelings for him were starting to scare her.

Martin and Danny had hardly stepped into 'Calypso's Cave' Club when hands came out of nowhere to tug on their shirts and draw them in. They made their way over to the bar together as planned. Martin ordered a drink from the bartender - who was basically wearing three belts strategically placed so you could just about call them clothes – and Danny drifted away as a dark-haired, Italian-looking girl approached him.

Multi-coloured lights and strobe lighting flashed across the room. Girls were 'dancing' together in booths in the corners whilst some others fondled each other on tables in the middle of the room as men leered and touched them. 'Somebody Told Me' by The Killers blared out from the stereo.

Martin had been to a strip-club a couple of times for his friends' stag nights but frankly he found the whole thing rather amusing. He glanced behind him. Danny was grinning as his girl climbed onto his lap. Martin laughed to himself.

"Hello handsome." someone purred into his ear and a pair of nicely manicured hands started massaging his shoulders. The girl then moved round and drew a stool right up close to Martin before sitting down on it, leaning into him. She was tall, slender and a very pretty brunette, her face was plastered in make-up and she was wearing a very tight, a very short and a very low-cut strapless 'dress.' He guessed that it could be called a dress but it more like a top with some frills at the bottom which constituted the 'skirt' part. Her long legs were covered in fishnet tights but her frilly underwear was plainly visible underneath as she crossed her legs. She looked oddly familiar ……. Martin was sure he'd seen her before …….

Samantha chuckled at the screen.

"What's funny?" Jack asked, peering over her shoulder.

"Martin's landed himself the big fish. Stacie 'Blossom' Jones – without her there would be no club." Samantha explained, focussing back on the screen.

"Awwwh, soldier-boy, someone's wounded." Blossom said reaching over, holding Martin's hand and stroking the bandage softly with her other hand.

"Yeah, some thug stuck a knife in it whilst I was out on the beat." Martin said, playing up the part. She looked at him eyebrows raised. "I'm a cop." he explained.

"Not on the job tonight I hope." Blossom said guardedly.

Martin laughed. "No, I'm here purely for pleasure." he said, relaxing his posture and opening his legs invitingly. She seemed convinced and climbed on him straddling him.

"Didn't happen to bring your handcuffs along with you?" she asked, drawing him into a kiss, her hands in his hair, massaging his head. Martin groaned and leant back in his seat. She tasted of coconut and smelt irresistible. It reminded him of how long it had been since he was with someone.

"No." he answered.

"Shame, we could have made use of them later." she said seductively, trailing kisses from his mouth, down his neck and along his collarbone.

Martin looked over her shoulder and scanned the club for any sign of Stiles and Hailey. Now he understood Jack's warnings. It sure was easy to lose concentration in a room full of scantily clad women, especially with such a fine specimen on his lap …………. "Is Sarah Freedman working tonight?" he asked, trying to see whether he could get anything out of Blossom.

Blossom looked at him, mock-offendedly. "Aren't I good enough for you tiger?" she asked.

"Oh no, this is good …" Martin said hastily, not wanting to offend her and arouse suspicions. She went back to sucking on his neck and he moved his hands up slowly from where they had been resting on her waist. "I was just thinking for later …. maybe you, me and her could get a room somewhere ….." he added, glad that she couldn't see the cheeky expression he had on his face. He knew that Vivian, Samantha and Jack would be cracking up, listening to him in the van right now.

"Oh, so you're that kind of guy are you?" Blossom replied, running her tongue over her lips. "Well I'm sorry to say that Sarah's got the week off ……. but I'm sure we can find someone else." she said, pressing her lips against Martin's again and letting her tongue explore his mouth. He let his hands wander a bit as she started running one of her hands under his shirt and letting the other one explore lower.

"Well, looks like our boys are getting more action that they've had for awhile." Vivian said.

"Yeah." Jack laughed.

Samantha shifted in her seat. It had really started raining now and every drop which bounced off the metal roof echoed round the van. She must be crazy to even feel the tiniest bit jealous of Martin and the girl. He was doing this for the job and she was nothing more than a higher-class whore. It didn't mean anything. Why did she care anyway that she was having to watch him make out with a girl anyway? It shouldn't bother her this much!

"Any sign of Hailey Rogers and Harry Stiles yet?" Jack asked.

"No." Samantha replied, as did Vivian.

Martin drew himself out of his wildest fantasies and began to focus again. As the crowd started to move away from the bar he could see Harry Stiles with Hailey on his lap, doing business with a couple of men in the corner. Martin reached into his jeans pocket and drew out a wad of notes. "Hey, you couldn't go get me some could you?" he said handing Blossom the money and nodding over at Stiles.

She glanced at the money. "Oooh, you're a bad boy then?" she said, her lips widening into a grin.

Martin shrugged and took a sip of his beer as she climbed off his lap. He loosened his shirt. It was really hot in here. He turned round to look at Danny. His girl was rubbing herself up and down him and Martin didn't even want to see where her hands were but Danny's eyes were open and staring right back at him, signalling that he understood that Martin had done phase one. Martin turned round and watched Blossom hand Stiles the money. Stiles glanced over in his direction and Martin gave a small nod. It wasn't long before Blossom came back over and sat back on him. "It's down there." she said, motioning to her bra.

Martin reached up and took out the small bag of powder, trying not to let his fingers touch too much. "Okay thanks." he said, then he gently pushed the girl off his lap and handed her another wad of money. "I'm gonna take a breather now." he muttered.

Blossom looked mildly irritated but Martin didn't have time to bother about hurting the pride of some call-girl. Danny, seeing Martin stand up, had also paid off his girl and they both began to walk slowly over to Stiles.

Hailey had seen the two Agents approaching and muttered something in Harry Stiles' ear. He looked at Martin and Danny suspiciously before standing up quickly and pushing through the crowd to the back door.

"Okay, he's running for it." Samantha said, alerting the other two. Jack opened the van door and jumped out.

Martin pulled out his gun. "FBI." he shouted. The hordes of girls started screaming and Stiles started to run, followed closely by Hailey. He and Danny followed him but he got to the back door and pushed it open out onto the alley. Martin was closer and ran outside. It was pouring down with rain. Stiles was legging it down the alley away from Jack and the other guys. He started running after him as fast as he possibly could. He felt like he was back in High School, running for the ball in football. "FBI. Stop." he shouted again. Stiles came to a dead end and hesitated for a moment, just long enough for Martin to gain on him. He pushed him to the ground and onto his back, not caring that the suspect's face was pushed into the dirty water of a puddle. "You're under arrest for the possession of Class A drugs and for the abduction of Sarah Freedman." he said, breathing heavily, fumbling with the handcuffs. He groaned in frustration as the wet bandages on his left arm, the rain and the lack of touch in his hand made it hard to open the cuffs but he managed it at last.

Samantha watched the suspect and the girl run out from the Fire Exit door, closely followed by Martin and Danny. Hailey started running the other way, towards them, not seeing the Agents hiding in the dark shadows. Jack and Vivian jumped out. "Stop! FBI!" they shouted but Hailey kept on running. Samantha raced after her and leapt on her, pushing her to the ground. She struggled and attempted to fling Samantha off of her but she wrestled her onto her back and cuffed her.

NYPD came to take the suspects away and the five of them came back together under the pouring rain. "Well done everyone." Jack said, looking at Martin. Martin smiled. Samantha tried to stop herself from being distracted by how awfully cute he looked in a wet shirt with his hair plastered to his head and water falling down his face. "It's getting late now …. the other team will finish up getting it out of Stiles where Sarah is, but we still need to debrief back at the office ……."

"Oh come on Jack, we're soaking wet." Vivian moaned.

"Hey, my place is just round the corner. We could go back there, change into some dry clothes and debrief over beer and pizza." Martin offered.

Jack hesitated.

"Please." Danny pleaded. "We're soaked to the bone and unless you want us all off work with pneumonia ……."

"Okay." Jack said reluctantly.

Martin grinned. "It's five minutes round the block." he said, leading them over there. Samantha fell into step beside him as Danny hung back laughing with Jack and Vivian about his antics in the club.

"Great work tonight." Samantha said. The rain fell unceasingly and she was staring to feel cold.

"Thanks." he smiled. "Quite ironic that I ended up with Blossom, eh?"

"Yeah." she laughed.

He leant down. "Don't worry, she wasn't my type either." he muttered confidentially.

"Why do I care if she was?" Samantha retorted.

Then suddenly the tone changed. It wasn't playful teasing anymore.

"I don't know. Do you care?" Martin asked, looking down at her, meeting her gaze.

There was a long pause.

"Oi Martin! How much further?" Danny called. "I'm so wet it's like I've been swimming with my clothes on!" he moaned.

Martin looked away from Samantha. "We're here." he said, walking up to the doorway of a large impressive block of apartments.

**A/N:- And so this case brought a little bit of fun for Marty and I'd be lying if I said that it wasn't kinda fun to write. Would just like to point out that having never been in a strip-club myself, I had to stretch the powers of my imagination to write this chapter! Sit tight for the next chapter!**


	7. Staring Right Back In The Face

**Chapter Seven: Staring Right Back In The Face**

_**Disclaimer: As much as I would like to own Eric Close, the F.B.I and Without A Trace, alas I only have the licence to dream. The plot is mine, my own, my preciousssssssssssss.**_

**A/N:- I know you guys all want Martin and Samantha to get back together ASAP but I'm afraid you're going to have to wait a little longer for that because some things need to happen in between. Originally I was aiming for this to be about ten chapters long but it looks like it may be a little longer than that by the time I'm done.**

_Dedicated to:_

_Missusmesser, Raspberry Muffin, Sammy, Bdoney, Berta101, Spooky Bibi, Lapmal, Without A Trace Freak, Give Love A Break, Jtsideout389, Equestrian Babe, Sweetoney89, NightMage, Tea_

_Ariel3JLP – Hun, without a doubt you get the prize for the longest review I have EVER received. Seriously wow, thank you! As you can see the tension shall continue in this chapter and in the next chapter ….. well …… And yes –blushes- Martin in a wet shirt is one of my many Martin fantasies and I think I'll include a little Martin/Samantha/WetShirt moment in all my fanfics purely for my benefit! Hehe. Victor will definitely be making another appearance before the end. I'm glad it was tasteful because these things are always awkward to write. Yeah, I write detail mainly for my benefit because I like to know Martin/Samantha's reaction to each other and their thoughts etc._

"How many of these have you got?" Vivian exclaimed as Martin laid down a pile of 3 T-shirts and Tracksuit bottoms with 'FBI' written across the front of the T-shirts and up the leg of the trousers.

"My Dad's useful for something." Martin laughed. "This one's for you." he said, chucking Danny a separate T-Shirt.

Danny caught it and opened it up revealing the words 'FBI -Female Body Inspector' on it. "Hehe. Very appropriate." he grinned.

Samantha laughed and picked up one of the towels that Martin had brought out and wiped her face with it. She didn't think she had ever been this cold and this wet before but the warmth from Martin's apartment at least meant she could feel her toes again.

Being the son of Victor Fitzgerald, she had expected Martin's apartment to be as nice as it was. It was situated in a very exclusive and upper-class block of flats uptown with a shiny, marble lobby and spotlessly clean elevators. His apartment had way too much room than a single person would need. The living room was incredibly spacious with a balcony and a view over the harbour that would have been quite spectacular if it wasn't for the rain. He had a luxurious settee and armchairs and a plasma television in the middle of the room. Cabinets and bookshelves lined the whole of one wall and photo frames hung everywhere – he had obviously inherited that from his parents ……….

"If you want to change whilst I order the pizza, the bathroom's the first door on the left down the corridor and there's another toilet in my bedroom at the end." Martin said, grabbing a pizza menu and walking into the kitchen.

Danny grabbed his set of dry clothes and headed into the bathroom. Jack took off his saturated jacket and slung it over the radiator before grabbing a towel in a vain attempt to stop himself dripping all over Martin's soft, luxurious carpet.

Samantha walked over instinctively to the mantelpiece where a whole row of photo frames stood. She recognised most of the people in the photos of being his parents and sisters and she even thought she saw one of Robert, Zach and his other friends from high school but before she could look closer she got distracted by the one next to it. She picked it up and stared at it. She couldn't believe that he had kept this and had it up after everything ……………………

Vivian walked up to her and peered over her shoulder. "Oh Martin's Prom photo. He looks very smart in his tux with his hair like that …." she smiled.

Samantha hardly heard her, lost in her own thoughts.

Jack came up and examined it too. "Wow Martin was a lucky lad …. that girl's ……… oh my God Samantha, is that you?" he said taking the frame out of her hand and peering it.

"Yes." she said softly, stepping away and walking over to the window in a daze. He still had it. On his mantelpiece. Did it mean he still cared? Maybe it wasn't so long ago after all. She could feel his breath on her neck and his arms around her waist just like they had been in the photo. She watched the rain hit the glass and the drops slide down, picking up other drops along the way and form a stream running down the window. And all of a sudden she was falling down with them.

"You never said you two dated." Vivian said interestedly, looking at the photo again and turning to her.

"Who dated?" Danny asked, coming out of the bathroom, rubbing his hair with a towel, and stuffing his wet clothes into a carrier bag. No one answered him but Jack handed him the photo. "Woah you and Fitzy …… Man you were hot back then!" he exclaimed.

"Well, it certainly would explain why he didn't think twice about running back into that barn to save you." Jack said, rubbing his towel behind his neck. "You wanna talk about it?"

Samantha turned away from the window slowly. "Not really." she picked up her pile of dry clothes. "Martin and I have a past ……which is firmly in the past." she said quietly, walking down the corridor to change. Her words echoed in her head. She didn't quite believe them herself. Of course they weren't all in the past, her feelings were in the present too and they were so strong it was like they had never faded.

She turned the knob on Martin's bedroom door, intending to use the ensuite bathroom but as she opened the door, Martin was in the room getting changed.

"Oh sorry." she muttered embarrassed, closing the door again but he stopped her.

"You can come in." he said smiling at her. He was wearing a pair of dry tracksuit bottoms but his wet shirt was still half-unbuttoned and still very wet. She felt herself flush and looked away.

Martin walked away from her. "What a nasty day – it's still raining." he said looking out of his bedroom window as he pulled off his shirt. Samantha felt the heat rise up in her cheeks and she looked at the door of the bathroom, trying to work out if she could sneak in there before he finished changing. Obviously not.

Martin pulled on his dry T-shirt and turned round. Samantha was standing awkwardly in the middle of his room looking really bedraggled and awkward. He was about to make some passing remark about how long the pizza would take to get here when she spoke first.

"Martin, can I ask you something?" she started hesitantly.

"Sure." he said, chucking his wet shirt in the washing tub and walking up to her.

"Do you find it hard working together? I mean, given our past and everything?" she asked, biting her bottom lip nervously. She could hardly believe she was daring to be this bold. Could she make it anymore obvious? She was so stupid sometimes ….. they had just managed to get their friendship back together and now she had gone and ruined it.

He looked at her, slightly surprised at her question. "Do you?" he asked simply.

Samantha put down her clothes and took a deep breath. "Yes. Yes I guess I do." she sighed. Martin helped her pull her soaking suit jacket off and laid it on the radiator. Suddenly she felt so self-conscious standing there in a wet blouse. She tried to focus on the question. "I guess seeing you again made me feel like there was so much left unsaid before and I'm worried that time will never heal the wounds I caused." she said.

Martin didn't say anything for awhile. He had his back to her, looking at the radiator. He grabbed a dry towel and walked to her slowly, his face unreadable. He looked down at her and met her gaze steadily. He took a strand of her wet hair and rubbed it in the towel gently drying it. She felt his soaking wet bandage on his left hand touch her cheek and it made her think about how much she owed him.

"Yes it is difficult because seeing you again makes me feel like I'm eighteen again and it's hard ……." he trailed off and looked deeply in her eyes. She felt his hands stop rubbing her hair and his right hand left the towel and dropped to her cheek, stroking it gently. Her breath caught in her throat. "It's hard not to feel like I felt back then." he said softly. She focussed on his lips. She really wanted him to kiss her. Her heart was pounding in her chest. He still liked her. Is that what was he was implying or was she just imagining it? She didn't know anymore but she certainly felt like she was eighteen again.

Martin lost himself in the moment. He still cared for her so much and the attraction between them was red-hot. He knew it wasn't what they should do. But he couldn't resist the hold she had on him. He started to lower his head slowly when suddenly Danny called out from the lounge.

"Pizza's here!"

Martin moved away from Samantha. "Okay." he answered then he glanced back at her and handed her her dry pile of clothes. "Go get change before all the pizza's gone." he said, holding her gaze for a minute before leaving her alone in his room. Samantha breathed out slowly and ran a hand through her wet hair distractedly.

Samantha walked back into the living room, a towel around her shoulders, her brain still running wild, trying to figure out what had happened – or nearly happened - with Martin in his bedroom a few moments earlier.

Everyone was seated round the coffee table, looking odd in their matching black T-shirts and tracksuit bottoms and Danny and Martin seemed to be caught up in a discussion over whether Domino's or Pizza Hut made the best pizzas. As she came to join them, Martin looked up and caught her eye, giving her a faint smile. "You better grab a slice before it all goes." he said, handing her a plate. She smiled at him awkwardly and sat down on the sofa next to Danny.

"So … the case." Jack said, starting the debrief. "I've just heard from the Bureau. Sarah's been found safe." The team breathed a collective sigh of relief. "I'd say that the whole undercover operation went very smoothly. Danny, Martin, your acts were very very convincing and your timing was perfect. Vivian, Samantha, surveillance was good. Martin and Samantha well done on arresting the two suspects. There's nothing that could have been executed better."

"Yeah, Sam's rough and tumble in the rain with the hooker was quite …."

"Don't start Danny." Samantha interrupted, rolling her eyes as she took a sip of her beer.

A comfortable silence settled on the group as they concentrated on eating the pizza and it wasn't until it was all gone and the five of them relaxed in their chairs that Danny, after a quick exchange of looks with Jack and Vivian, brought up the subject which they were only all too curious to learn more about.

"Well Martin, you and Samantha both kept your past relationship very well hidden." Danny said. Martin looked stunned. "The Prom photo ….. we all saw it."

"Oh right." Martin said, putting his bottle of beer down with a nervous laugh and gave a hesitant glance in Samantha's direction. "Yeah, that was a long time ago."

"I guess that's why there was all the awkwardness and stuff between you?" Jack asked, opening another bottle of beer.

Samantha nodded. She knew that Martin was feeling just as uncomfortable about this as she was. "Do we have to talk about this?"

"Sure." Danny grinned. "We're FBI Agents, call us curious. Besides I thought I knew everything about you Sam – obviously not. We want to know everything about you guys."

Martin sighed with resignation. "What do you want to know?"

Danny shrugged. "I don't know. You could start with how you two got together?"

Martin looked over at Samantha. She looked away. "We met in High School. I asked Sam to the Prom in our last year."

"That was it? And all of a sudden you two got together?" Vivian asked, raising her eyebrows.

Martin nodded and opened another drink. Samantha hesitated. Whilst she was thankful for Martin's avoidance of the subject, she knew that it was bound to come out sooner or later and maybe it was time that her work colleagues got an insight to the real Samantha. "Actually we got together because Martin stopped me from committing suicide and helped me with my abusive father. I guess you could say I was quite insecure but Martin showed me how to enjoy life."

No one said anything. Danny, Vivian and Jack were trying to hide the surprise on their faces and Martin seemed very intent on examining the carpet.

"Wow. I had no idea." Jack said at last.

"Needless to say it wasn't a friendly break-up …." Vivian started, aware that she was touching on a very sore subject.

Martin stood up abruptly. "More beer anyone?" he asked and walked into the kitchen without even waiting for an answer.

Vivian looked at Samantha apologetically. Samantha looked at Martin's retreating back worriedly. She hated how they had just managed to put all of this stuff behind them and it was being dragged up again. "Let's just say I hurt him badly." she said, sighing.

After awhile, Martin walked back in with a forced smile on his face carrying some more beer. "So, who wants one?" he asked.

"Not for me." Jack said, standing up. "Sorry but I've really got to be getting back."

"Yeah, me too." Vivian said grabbing her coat. "Thanks for the clothes. I'll wash them before I give them back."

"Me too. Take it easy." Jack said, glancing at Martin's bandaged arm. Today had proven it wasn't a hindrance but he was still concerned for him. "Oh, and sorry for prying into-"

"No problem." Martin said, cutting him off and walking them to the door. "See you tomorrow."

Martin walked back to Danny and Samantha. There was an awkward silence until Danny looked at Martin's Playstation 2 enthusiastically. He caught Martin's eye and Martin's face broke into a grin. "If you must."

Danny didn't need telling twice and was soon seated happily on the floor, pressing buttons as if his life depended on it.

Samantha watched the TV screen as if she were scrutinising Danny's every move and looking across, she saw Martin doing the same. Obviously he shared her idea that if they concentrated on something else then they could avoid talking or looking at each other. As Danny got himself killed for the third time in a row and was being mercilessly teased by Samantha, Martin brought out his First Aid kit. His bandage was still sopping wet from before but he had put off changing it for as long as he could. He hated the procedure – partly because he was squeamish and didn't particularly appreciate having to stare at the sores on his arm, and partly because when he bandaged it up, it reminded him of the fact that there was still no progress regarding his sense of touch.

He cut his old bandage off and dumped it in the rubbish bin and flexed his fingers and grimaced at the unhealed burns before opening up the bag, looking for some cream.

Samantha turned away from the TV at that point and fixed her eyes on his arm. Martin avoided meeting her gaze but out of the corner of his eye, he could see her almost shudder at the sight of his arm. "Let me help." she said getting up and crouching down next to him.

"I can do it myself." he said fiddling with the lid of the cream.

"I know." she said simply but she still took the tube of cream from him and he didn't argue. Samantha squeezed the cream on his arm and rubbed it in in silence. Beneath her fingers, his skin was hard and rough and she knew that when the burns eventually healed, scars would remain forever. Guilt was churning in her stomach and she had to bite her tongue to stop her from apologising for the millionth time. She laid down a dressing and grabbed a fresh bandage, unravelling it before starting to tenderly bandage Martin's arm up again.

Martin watched Samantha at work. She was feeling guilty again and he hated that which is why he had let her look after his arm tonight. If changing the dressing somehow made her feel less guilty then so be it because he hated how she constantly felt that she was in severe debt to him. He felt his heart jolt inwardly as his mind registered the familiar sequence of events: She was playing Nurse to him, treating a wound he had sustained whilst protecting her …… Like the time she held the ice to his face at his house after he had been punched by her father ……

After she tied the knot, Samantha looked up at him and ran her fingers softly up and down his arm. Martin imagined that if he actually had feeling in that arm then he would feel shivers running up and down his spine just about now. "The feeling will return." she said softly. Martin didn't know if she was talking about his arm because he certainly knew that he was having a hard time fighting his returning feelings for her.

After she had finished, she didn't stand up and walk away but just stayed there, meeting his gaze. Martin stared back into her soft brown eyes.

They were doing it again. Barely an hour had passed and they were being drawn into each other again. Samantha wondered that if the pizza hadn't arrived at that moment earlier whether Martin would have actually had any intention of kissing her because God knows two more seconds and she would have pressed her lips against his. And now she was getting to that stage again.

There was no question of hesitation in his eyes. If previously she had been unsure whether Martin actually wanted to kiss her, this time she was sure of it. He brought his head down and she leant up on her knees. Neither of them looked away. They stopped, their heads centimetres away from each other, still looking at each other searchingly, deliberating whether it was something they definitely both wanted. Samantha closed her eyes and ……

And Danny interrupted them again. Having just cleared another level, he had spun round in excitement and ruined the moment. Martin jerked away from her and she sat back on her heels. "Oh sorry." Danny said quickly.

Samantha could feel a red flush rise up her neck and the awkwardness stifled her. Martin didn't look at her but instead stood up and started clearing his medicine and the First Aid kit off of the table. Samantha turned round. Danny mouthed 'Sorry' to her but she just shrugged and sighed.

Danny switched off the game consul and looked at the clock. "Well, we better be off." he said grabbing his still damp clothes.

"Yeah." Samantha agreed, eager to make a hasty retreat.

As he handed her her clothes back in a plastic bag and said his goodbyes, Martin didn't meet her eyes once and Samantha knew that the friendly, flirty rapport they had had earlier on that day was once again lost.

**A/N:- Danny certainly has some great timing doesn't he? Oh dear.**


	8. You Said You Feel Lost

**Chapter Eight: You Said You Feel Lost Can I Help You Find It**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, Without A Trace or the F.B.I. I do however own my imagination, my Muse, my insanity, my fangirliness and my dreams.**_

**A/N:- Will these two ever get their act together! Who knows? Thanks - you guys rock! I made it over the 100 review mark. Yay!**

_Dedicated To:_

_Berta101, NightMage, Charlotte Sheen, EquestrianBabe, Anika, Scgirl-317, Missusmesser, Jtsideout389, Bdoney, Tea, Newsyd_

_Ariel3JLP – I sleep at night by knowing how the story ends. What is it with people throwing things at me! Indeed I am very lucky that you live on the other side of the pond. I lied about the other review …. THIS is the longest review ever! Wow and thank you! I always find characterisation the hardest with writing. Obviously with fanfiction it's easier because the characters already have characterisation but, yeah. I'm glad that Samantha and Martin are very real – that's always a sign of success. Don't be in awe and don't apologise for the length! Hugs _

_Lu78 – Thanks. I like detail too!_

_Give Love A Break – No he didn't. He just has crap timing!_

_Without A Trace Freak – I'm sadistic and enjoying the torture. Not really. It's just it has to happen for the story ………_

_Spooky Bibi – Yay wet T-shirt fan!_

_Isabell89 – Oooooh another wet T-shirt fan! Funny how many of them there are! Hehe._

Samantha looked over from her seat at the conference table to where Martin sat at his desk typing names into the search engine and nibbled on her bottom lip nervously. They were back at square one. They both should have resisted the urge that night, following your impulses never got you anywhere – Samantha was living proof of that - and now things between her and Martin were tense again. The worst thing about it was she had a sinking feeling that if they had actually kissed, things wouldn't be as bad between them as they were now. Ever since the day at his apartment, Martin had closed himself off from Samantha, much like she had when he had first joined, and she couldn't blame him. He had undoubtedly pulled away from her because he was unsure about them and she gave him space. Keeping things strictly professional and focussed on work meant that awkward silences and nervous glances could be avoided. Well, definitely on his part anyway. For her, she found herself getting more and more distracted by him as the days passed. She instinctively told herself that it was because she was worried about him with his arm and all, but deep down she knew better. Sometimes she just wanted to run over to him and kiss him so passionately that he wouldn't know what hit him, instead of having all this playing around each other, but she didn't think this would be a good idea considering the mood Martin was in nowadays and the fact that he seemed to have retreated into a shell that Samantha didn't even know he had.

She picked up the file she had been looking at and walked up to Martin's desk and dropped it into his Intray. He was so busy concentrating on his search that he didn't even notice her standing there. Either that or he was ignoring her.

"Martin?" she said, calling him out of his trance.

Martin clicked the Enter button for once of his searches and then leant back in his chair, his eyes darting from the computer screen to the file she had just given him. "Yeah?"

Samantha sighed, knowing that he was signalling that she had his attention even though he wasn't looking at her. It was a rare thing for him to make eye contact with her nowadays. She had to admit that it was probably a wise thing. "I don't feel we've really talked much recently." she said. Martin didn't say anything as if waiting for her to elaborate on her point. "Things were fine and now they're just cold." Still he said nothing. "I just want to be friends but it seems impossible with the inevitable cycle."

"What cycle?" Finally he spoke.

"The cycle where things go from bad to good to bad to good and now to bad again." Samantha explained.

Martin shifted in his chair. "I think we're doing fine." he said.

That shocked Samantha. She didn't know what she expected him to say but that certainly wasn't it. "Right. Well …" she said, drumming her fingers on his desk. "Guess there's no problem then." she said turning round and walking bout of the office to the break room. She could feel his eyes follow her all the way out of the room.

……………………………………………………………….

Jack stood by window in his office and looked through the gap in the blinds out onto the bullpen. Vivian and Samantha were seated at the conference table going through statements and records for a suspect in their latest case whilst Danny was out on the field, running down leads. He looked across at Martin who was seated at his desk, his eyebrows furrowed in frustration. He was holding a pen in his left hand which he duly put down and picked up a stapler, running his fingers over it, trying, praying that he could feel it. Jack swallowed hard. These past couple of weeks he had noticed that Martin had suffered a relapse. Mentally. Once Martin was allowed back at work, Jack saw how he had tried determinedly to prove to himself that his arm was not going to affect him and he had out performed both in the office and out on the field during the Freedman case. But now where his arm had previously been as small an issue as possible to him, it seemed it now haunted his every waking thought. Jack saw Martin throw down the stapler and place his hand over his desk lamp, clutching the bulb. His hand didn't react at all to the heat and he was getting angrier and angrier with himself.

Jack's heart went out to him. It seemed like things had been going downhill for Martin recently and if he wasn't careful he would work himself into a state of depression. Something had happened, or nearly happened, at Martin's apartment that night after he left – Danny had hinted as much. However he didn't need Danny's hints to notice the gulf between Samantha and Martin that had reappeared overnight. He wondered whether the angst in one part of Martin's life had caused him to focus on something else which is why he seemed to be constantly dwelling on the problem of his dead arm which still had shown no sign of getting better.

There was a knock on the door and Samantha walked in to give him some old files from previous cases that had been cluttering up the office. Jack turned to her.

"What's going on between you and Martin?"

Samantha blanched at Jack's abrupt unexpected attack. "Nothing."

"Hmpf. That's what I was afraid of."

Samantha raised her eyebrows. "Sorry?"

Jack shook his head a little and moved on. "You know Martin better than I do, is it me or does he seem more down than usual nowadays? Two weeks ago he was fine and now I can barely get two words out of him." Samantha hesitated and Jack didn't miss it. "If this continues then he'll have to see the psychologist as well as the physiotherapist." he added.

Samantha sighed and sat down. "What do you want me to do?"

"Obviously his arm is really getting to him and I think he really needs someone to be there for him ….."

Samantha shook her head. "Not me."

Jack looked at her questioningly. "I thought you two had got over your past?"

"We had … until ….." Samantha trailed off awkwardly.

Jack knew better than to ask. "Well whatever happened, I'm sure he would really appreciate you looking out for him at the moment – he's just too macho to admit it."

Samantha opened her mouth to say something but Jack stopped her. "Samantha, be there for him in the way I know you want to be there for him."

Jack hid a smile as he saw he had achieved the near-impossible and stunned Samantha Spade into silence by his bluntness.

Just then Danny poked his head round the door to show that he was back and ready to make his report. Jack waved him in. "What's going on?" Danny asked, looking from Samantha to Jack.

"We were just commenting on how physiotherapy doesn't seem to be doing Martin a whole lot of good." Jack said, sitting down.

Something which resembled the closest thing Danny Taylor had to a guilty expression came across his face as he took a seat next to Samantha. "Maybe because Martin hasn't seen the physiotherapist for awhile now." he admitted quietly.

"What!" Jack thundered. Samantha turned to Danny in shock.

"I promised I wouldn't say anything but a couple of weeks ago, you guys had all left and it was Martin and I alone in the office. He was moaning about his physiotherapy session. To cheer him up I said I would come with him and we could go out for a drink after. Martin got so worked up in the session that he flatly refused to make another appointment."

"Why haven't I heard about it? If Martin wasn't attending the appointments then surely I would have had a Memo in my tray the day after?"

Danny shrugged. "I think the physiotherapist felt sorry for him and although she would hate to admit it, Martin's arm really is looking like a lost cause."

"Well, why didn't YOU tell me he had quit going?" Jack demanded.

Danny sighed. "Look, the guy's my friend and I was there. I saw what a waste of time the sessions were. She had him doing all these pointless exercises and tests when we all knew that the outcome would be the same. You should have seen Martin – it was like pure torture."

Jack sighed. "Well, I guess that there's nothing else we can do except give him the encouragement he needs." he said, with a pointed look at Samantha.

……………………………………………………

She'd timed it perfectly, positioning herself between him and the door so there was no escape. She looked at his jacket and his bag. "You heading off now? Me too." she said.

Martin nodded and looked at her as if she was dumb just standing there in his way.

"Want to go get a drink?" she asked offhandedly as if the idea had only just popped into her head.

"Erm, sorry. I can't." Martin said, looking straight ahead.

"Oh." Samantha said sounding disappointed.

"I'm busy." Martin stated.

Samantha raised her eyebrows. It was half past eight. Unless he was seeing someone which she had no idea of, and she desperately hoped wasn't true, what else could he have planned to do at this time? "Really?"

"Yes, really."

"Doing what?" Samantha demanded. It was none of her business and she half expected Martin to tell her that.

"Busy going home and getting some rest." Martin said shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

"Come on, one drink, it'll be quick, I promise." she said.

"No Sam." he said with a tired sigh. "I don't think we'll be going out for drinks anytime soon."

Now that really irritated her. She kept the questions coming. "Why not?"

"Because things between you and me aren't exactly rosy at the moment are they?"

She stared at Martin defiantly. "I'm trying my best here. We have so many options - hell we can even pretend that nothing in the past few months had ever happened if you want - but you're not willing to give any of them a try." She took a breath. "Does our friendship mean nothing to you that you're not even willing to fight for it?" she demanded angrily. The way Martin had withdrawn into himself recently scared her because she had never seen him like that before, and it annoyed her because she thought she knew him.

It made Martin look at her for the first time in days anyway. "Sam, I've got some other important stuff to work through at the moment."

"More important than our friendship?" her eyes narrowed. Sure, she didn't mind admitting that at times she had a bit of a hot temper, but she had never ever got angry at Martin before because he never ever deserved to be at the receiving end of her anger, but now it was like she couldn't help herself. Martin didn't say anything to that. "I can help you work through that stuff. I can help you with your arm." she said, keeping her voice calm.

"Why? Have you been hiding some magic potion that the doctors don't know about!" Martin said with a small nasty laugh.

That made Samantha's temper flare up again instantly. Sure he was having arm-issues at the moment but he didn't need to have scorned her help like that. The old Martin would never have said something like that. But then again, this was technically ALL her fault. "Goddamit Martin, stop shutting me out. It hurts."

"That's rich." Martin muttered.

"I thought we were over that! Putting our past behind us and all that."

"So did I. Didn't seem like that the other night though, did it?"

"What's that meant to mean?" Samantha said, her eyes narrowing. She didn't give him time to reply. "You know what, maybe if Danny hadn't interrupted then maybe we would have kissed." Martin's eyes widened at her frankness. "But then what? Would you still be shutting me out? Would we still be standing here having this argument? Who knows? I know this is all my fault. Every time I look at you and see your arm in bandages, I know that I did that to you. Maybe I don't deserve to have your confidence. Maybe I'm the last person you want to talk to but I'm trying to take control of the situation here and you just won't have anything to do with it. Exactly how I was ten years ago when I shut you out. That was the worst mistake of my life and I don't want you to make that same mistake so I'm here trying to get you to let me help you." Samantha inhaled. She was so uptight and overcome with emotion that she was only dimly aware of the tears falling down her face. Martin was looking at her like a man who was in deep shock. "For what it's worth, I think Danny saved us from making a big mistake. We both definitely aren't ready for that kind of thing if we can't even be friends." she said. She let her words hang in the air.

"We wouldn't have kissed." Martin said.

"What?" Samantha replied in a voice that didn't sound like hers.

"And if we did, it wouldn't have meant anything. We were caught in the moment, caught up in our feelings of ten years ago." Martin took a deep breath. "I'd just saved you, and you were feeling guilty and in my debt or whatever. It was the rescuer-rescuee connection this time. Maybe that's all it ever was last time as well."

Samantha couldn't even find the breath in her to mouth the word 'What' this time. What was he saying? Did he really believe it? A part of her screamed out that it was just all talk. Of course he didn't mean what he said. Even though it was ten years ago, she would never forget the look in his eye when he looked at her. He had loved her. It wasn't just because of some of the bullshit crap he was coming out with now. He wanted to push her away – maybe Jack had been right about his depression - and this was his way of doing so – making her believe all their feelings had been a lie. However the other part of her reacted automatically to his words without giving her brain time to rationalise them. Her legs felt weak and she could barely make out Martin's figure before her because of her tears. She turned and fled.

If she had looked back, she would have seen the tears running down Martin's face as well.

**A/N:- I know you guys really want the fluff to come and for Martin and Samantha to get back together so please don't hate me too much for writing things this way. It will all come together. Eventually.**


	9. All This Time Is Passing By

**Chapter Nine: All This Time Is Passing By I Think It's Time To Just Move On**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, Without A Trace or the FBI. I do however own my imagination, my Muse, my insanity, my fangirliness and my dreams.**_

**A/N:- I'm away staying at a cottage in the middle of nowhere from Monday to Friday with no onlineness so here's a long update for you to get you through the week.**

_Dedicated To:_

_Raspberry Muffin, Without A Trace Freak, Tea, NightMage, Berta101, Give Love A Break, Little Tussi_

_Spooky Bibi – Feel free to yell at the characters any time you want!_

_Jtsideout389 – Here, have a tissue. You may need it! Hehe_

_Csigirlie156 – It's nice to be loved instead of attacked by shoes once in a while! Well, I play the piano so don't start any instrument warfare!_

_Bdoney – Thank you for the long review. I'm glad you like it. Ouch that must have really hurt! Maybe you have some idea of what Martin's feeling then? I could only use my imagination and that was painful enough!_

_SusanWATfan – Thanks I'm glad you're enjoying it._

_Isabell89 – I'm sorry! You'll just have to wait a bit. It will happen …………… unless I'm feeling very sadistic!_

By the time Samantha had had a chance to think things through over the weekend, she was one hundred percent sure that Martin hadn't meant what he had said. She was angry when she had made that long self-righteous speech to him, and he was just reacting off of that. She shouldn't have lost it with him but in typical Samantha Spade mode she had fallen back into being aggressive when she couldn't get her own way. In this case, she had wanted so badly to be able to reach out to him and Martin wouldn't even let her try. She remembered a time when she hadn't been like that. A time ten years ago when being with Martin had taught her that you didn't always have to fight to get what you wanted since sometimes what you wanted came along anyway.

She sat down at her desk and looked across to where Martin sat at his desk. She could go over and apologise and hope that he would take back what he said or she could pretend it had never happened and carry on as normal. She bit her lip. Not normal as in before though. She had also thought a lot about what Jack had said about her being there to help him through this dark time and although what had happened last week and been a bit of a hopeless disaster, she wasn't about to give up. Martin had never given up on her and now he needed her, she was going to damn well be there for him.

"Everything okay?" Vivian asked, walking up to her, glancing from her to Martin and then back again.

"A picture of perfection, can't you tell?" Samantha giving a sickly smile. She walked over to Danny's desk to drop off a list of possible suspects and pinching the bridge of her nose hard, she approached Martin.

"How was your weekend?" she asked.

Martin stared at her as if she had just said the most ridiculous thing ever. "Why?"

Samantha shrugged. "I'm just trying to make simple conversation."

Martin's eyes narrowed and he gave a slight glance around him. Samantha knew that he wouldn't want to make a scene in the office with everyone around so she had counted on him being civil. "The usual." he answered tapping his pen on the desk.

"So, Robert's getting married." she said, giving them something to keep the conversation going.

Martin looked surprised. "You got an invite too, eh?"

Samantha nodded. Wow they were having a conversation which lasted more than two sentences, three days after they had their worst fight ever. Thank God for Robert and his impending wedding. "Are you going to go?"

"I have to. I'm the best man." Martin told her.

"Oh, I didn't realise you two were still so close." she said interested.

"We talk on the phone every week and when I was in Seattle, he used to fly out to visit every now and again. Well, until he met Kirsten …. he's been a bit busy recently." Martin explained.

"Yeah, I can imagine. I don't suppose ……."

Just then Van Doran came in and Samantha trailed off, cursing her boss inwardly. She guessed it would be awhile before she and Martin got round to having another normal conversation.

Everyone was silent. Jack and Vivian looked up from their seats at the conference table and Danny spun round in his chair. Van Doran had an unusually grave look on her face.

"Agent Malone and Agent Fitzgerald, can I have a word please?" she said. Martin looked slightly shocked and he glanced over at Jack but his boss just gave him a slight shake of the head. He had no idea what it was about either. He got up silently and followed his bosses into Jack's office. Vivian, Danny and Samantha were left shooting each other puzzled looks.

The first real indication that Van Doran was a bringer of bad news was when she refused to sit down in the seat Jack offered to her, instead choosing to stand with her back to the door, facing Jack whilst Martin perched on the edge of the desk.

"What's up?" Jack asked.

Van Doran didn't answer immediately and looked as if she was turning things over in her mind, trying to decide what was the best way to deliver her news, buying her more time. "I got a call from Washington this morning telling us that we need to lay off Agent Fitzgerald until his arm is back to normal – or maybe permanently."

There was silence.

Martin sighed and looked down at his feet. He wasn't in the least bit surprised. In fact, he had been expecting something like this for some time. He didn't have any plans to do anything except accept Washington's decision, leave and find a desk job somewhere. If this order came from Washington then they would get their way in the end anyway and besides after all that he and Samantha had gone through, working together probably wasn't the wisest option.

Jack stared at his boss, trying to process her words. "You're joking?" he said finally.

Van Doran shook her head. "The Insurance won't cover any Agent that's not 100 percent fit."

"This is bullshit! Martin hurt his arm doing the job the FBI pays him to do: saving people - so technically you're firing him for doing his job? What kind of sick school of logic does this come from? He's been back at work, working normally, for over a month and then all of a sudden this decision comes through as if it's some kind of afterthought from the same people who gave him an award for his bravery. What kind of reward is this?" Jack wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He was so angry, he didn't care what he said in front of his boss now. They were willing to get rid of one of his best Agents just like that? He hadn't forgotten the time he himself had been victimised by the men in Washington for no reason, and he wasn't going to let his junior Agent suffer the same thing.

"Martin's arm isn't affecting his work. In case you hadn't heard, he's completed a lot of fieldwork with one hundred percent success including an undercover operation and you still want him to leave? You're going to let the FBI lose one of their best Agents just because of some bureaucracy crap Washington feed you with!"

"Jack, don't shoot the messenger." Van Doran replied calmly. "Believe me, I didn't want this. I've been on the phone the whole morning trying to find a way out of this with no success."

Vivian, Danny and Samantha had stopped even pretending to work a long time ago and instead concentrated on trying to decipher Jack's angry looks and rapid arm waving.

"Well, it certainly doesn't look good." Danny commented.

"I don't think I've ever seen Jack that angry before." Vivian said.

Samantha knew what she meant. Jack was practically red in the face and Van Doran didn't look too happy either. She couldn't see Martin from where she was sitting but it didn't look like he was participating much in the conversation. It made her wonder why.

"They can't do this. There's got to be something written in the 768 pages Terms and Conditions booklet or in the contract." Jack spat.

Van Doran shook her head. "Apparently, the contract states that in a case like this, the board has the right to let an Agent go without the customary amount of notice needed."

"Bastards." Jack muttered, pacing up and down the room. "Well, we're not going to let them sack Martin without a fight."

"You can let the man from HQ know that when he arrives tomorrow to finish the paperwork and start the recruitment process." Van Doran stated.

"Don't worry I will. They better have something better up their sleeve than a flimsy Insurance excuse." Jack said, gritting his teeth together.

Martin stood up. "Jack, it's alright." he said quietly. The other two looked at him slightly shocked as if they had forgotten he was still there. "I'll just go." he said walking out of the door.

There was a pause after Martin left. "Jack, you'll be stupid to push this. You could risk losing your job as well. I mean, you heard Agent Fitzgerald – even he doesn't want to fight this, why do you?"

"He's probably in as much shock as I am when I heard you. He doesn't think he has a chance because I'm pretty sure his father is one of the ones behind this decision. But he'll come round and I'm not going to take this lying down." Jack argued.

"I hope you know what you're doing."

"Of course I know what I'm flipping doing. I knew what I was doing when I sent Martin to go with Agent Spade to talk Cassie Roberts out of committing suicide, I knew what I was doing when I pushed for Martin to be let back in the office even though some people doubted he would be ready after the injuries he sustained, I knew what I was doing when I let Martin back out on the field and go undercover even though he can't feel anything with his left arm and I certainly know what I'm doing now." Jack thundered.

Martin walked out of Jack's office, down the corridor and back into the office. He could feel three pairs of eyes watching his every move and he knew they were dying to know what had just happened. He wasn't going to put them out of their misery. He was just going to grab his bag and coat and just walk out of there in silence. Saying goodbye would just hurt.

Yes, he had made the right decision. Lord only knew how much he loved this job: the thrill of the chase, the adrenaline rush, the feeling that each time they found a missing person alive, they had somehow made the world a little better. But there were times in life when sometimes you have to give up what you love the most. Maybe the people in Washington were doing him a favour. He could see the logic behind the argument. Although he could do most things with his injured arm, there were still things he found difficult like buttons and tying knots and he didn't want to be a risk to the team, no matter how small. Besides, he knew his frame of mind wasn't what it used to be. No matter what problems he was having with his arm or with his relationships, the Martin he knew wouldn't have let himself plunge into a black pit where he didn't have the heart for anything anymore. He was spiralling down and he couldn't stop it. Sure his arm was giving him problems that made him a liability but that wasn't the only reason he had no qualms in giving up this job.

Samantha. It was always about Samantha. Funny how his whole life seemed to revolve around that one moment he had followed her behind the bike shed and he hadn't failed to notice the irony that last time it was her who needed to get away from him. Now he needed to get away – it would be better for both of them. He hated himself for saying those things to her the other day - about how their feelings had never really meant anything. He hated himself for feeding her those lies which even he himself didn't believe but he needed to. He had wanted to distance himself from her and from everyone so he said those things to push her away. They had really hurt her, he had seen that, but this morning, he could tell she hadn't believed them and she was skimming over their shouting match like it had never happened.

Martin couldn't stay in New York working here with her any longer; it wouldn't be fair on either of them. They couldn't continue the game they had been playing any longer. He couldn't switch off the feelings he had for her but at the same time he didn't want either her or him to get hurt again. His heart was telling him that he shouldn't be afraid to let things with Samantha take their course – things could be so perfect with her this time round. They were grown up, mature, and still very much connected. However his brain was telling him not to run that risk and to get out whilst he still could. This time he was going to follow his head – surely the fact that they had been interrupted twice that night was a sign of some sorts?

Martin walked over to his desk and had hardly reached out to grab his jacket when Vivian and Danny had come running up to him.

"What's going on? What did Van Doran want?" Danny asked.

Martin didn't say anything but picked up his rucksack.

"Where are you going? What happened?" Vivian pushed. Martin looked at her sadly.

Samantha looked at his face. Something was very wrong. Whilst behind them Jack was still raging at Van Doran, Martin didn't look angry at all, instead his just had a look of resignation on his face. He started heading for the door without a word and Danny and Vivian turned to her helplessly.

"Martin?" she called. He didn't respond. She jogged up to him, catching him just before he reached the door and grabbed his arm, forcing him to turn round and look at her. "Martin, what's going on?" she demanded.

Martin looked down at her and for the first time since the episode at her apartment he held her gaze. "What is it?" she asked.

Martin shook his head slightly. "I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore." he said sadly. Then he was gone.

Samantha just stood there trying to figure out what the hell he meant. He couldn't do what anymore? The haunting empty look in his eyes. She had never seen him like this before. She was still reeling from it when Jack stormed into the office.

"Son of a bitch." he cursed, kicking a chair across the room. The whole office went quiet. "I'll be dammed if I let them get away with this."

Vivian and Danny exchanged an anxious glance. "Jack, calm down and tell us what happened." Vivian said.

"Martin didn't tell you?" he said, turning to face them. The three of them shook their heads and Samantha walked back over to the others from the door. "Washington said that Martin can no longer work here because "the insurance can't cover his injured arm.""

"They sacked him?" Danny clarified.

"I believe the term they use now is that he was "asked to leave."" Jack said, rolling his eyes.

"They can't do that. It hasn't been giving him any problems, he's been doing his job as normal, they've got no justification ……." Danny argued.

"Well, apparently they can and they have." Jack fumed. "A guy's coming from Washington tomorrow to finish it all off and I'm guessing we'll have a new Agent by the end of the month."

Vivian shook her head. "Martin's going to fight it right? We're going to fight it?"

Jack ran a hand through his hair. "Of course." Of course they were going to fight it. Whether Martin wanted to or not would remain to be seen.

"I can't believe one minute they're giving him an award and the next they're giving him the sack what kind of fucked-up big asses run this show?" Danny exclaimed, seething.

"Martin seemed to take the news pretty well." Vivian commented shrewdly.

"I think he was just shocked. I'm sure that by the time he gets home he'll be rampaging." Jack said distractedly. At least he hoped he would be.

"And if he's not?"

Danny turned to look at her. "What do you mean? Of course Martin'll be angry! How can he not be?"

Vivian shrugged. "We know how down he's been recently. Maybe he thinks it's time just to move on and do something new?" she suggested.

Danny and Jack looked at her as if she had just said something ridiculous. "We know that he's frustrated with the lack of process with his injured arm but he loves this job, why would he suddenly want to leave?"

Samantha felt sick with realisation. Of course, why hadn't she realised it from the look on his face. He saw this as his chance to escape and he was taking it. And she was the one who had pushed him to it – she had tried so hard to make things better between them that she had in fact made things worse and now he was going away before she could hurt him again. From his point of view this must have been a blessing in disguise. No more awkwardness, stolen glances, old feelings caught up in the present – a chance to make a fresh start somewhere else where no remnants of ten years ago would be there to haunt him. She took a deep breath. "I may have said some things." she said quietly. She could feel three pairs of eyes look at her accusingly.

………………………………………………………..

She stood outside his apartment and rang the bell. She had come to put things right once and for all and make him see that he shouldn't have to run without a fight because of her. Samantha pulled the hair band and let her hair out loose. It was still damp from her bath as she hadn't had time to dry it. It had taken her a half-hour soak in the bath to realise she couldn't sit around and do nothing about the situation she had helped create so she had put on some jeans and a top and subconsciously put on the perfume Martin had bought her for Christmas and was here to make Martin see sense.

As the door opened, Samantha's heart started pounding in her chest – it was make or break time.

Martin looked surprised to see her. "Hey, what are you doing here?" he asked. His tone wasn't unfriendly just a bit shocked. She could hear the television on in the background and his right hand clutched a newspaper.

"Can I come in?" she asked.

"Erm, yeah." Martin said, slightly dazed, standing aside to let her pass. He watched as Samantha walked in and settle herself on the sofa, switching off the television and impulsively moving the pizza box from the arm of the chair onto the coffee table. He didn't understand – after what he had said to her surely she would be hurting and holding a grudge against him. Hell, she should even be glad to hear that he was leaving, giving her a chance to break free as well. But no, she was here, sitting in his living room. His plan was going horribly wrong.

"You living off pizza now?" Samantha said with a small laugh, indicating the pizza box.

"Yeah, makes good comfort food." he said, staring at the carpet. "Drink?"

She shook her head and motioned for him to come and join her on the settee. Seeing no other option, Martin scratched the back of his head nervously and sat down.

"Surprised to see me here?" Samantha asked.

"Yeah, a bit." Martin admitted.

"Not as surprised as I was when I heard that you're about to lose your job." Samantha said.

Wow, she certainly knew how to cut to the chase. "Actually I think I've already lost it."

"Not if you fight it." she said pointedly.

Martin could feel her eyes boring down into him and gave a small shake of the head. "What's the point? They're going to get their way in the end: My Dad always gets what he wants." he explained. "Besides it might be good to move to another city, do something different – no doubt my father can find me a nice job behind a desk somewhere." he said flatly.

"Come on Martin, you know you don't believe that. I know you love this job and live for it just as much as the rest of us. You can't really see yourself doing anything else. And you've got a strong case to fight here. You can't take this lying down – that's just what Washington want. They're banging on the fact you're going to take the handout and just walk away. You've got to prove them wrong. We're all going to support you." Samantha said forcefully.

"What and lose your jobs as well?" Martin said.

"It's not going to come to that."

"You've met my father – you know as well as I do that some way or another he's going to get his own way."

"Martin, he can't chuck you out of the Bureau just because he hates me and doesn't want you anywhere near me anymore." Martin opened his mouth to say something but she didn't let him. "He can't force you to leave because he's afraid of you hurting yourself again or because the pension package isn't as big as it is in white-collar. He can't control your life."

"You think I don't know that!" Martin exclaimed. "My whole life I've been trying to take control of my future, do what I want instead of what I'm expected to do but maybe this time he is right, maybe a new start somewhere else would be good for me, new opportunities and all that."

Samantha stared at him. He almost looked like he believed what he was saying. Almost. But she could see past it. "Are you leaving because of me?" she asked quietly.

Martin pretended he didn't hear her. "Besides they're right. I shouldn't be doing this job what with my arm and everything. Yeah it might be fine now but ….."

"Martin, answer my question." Samantha said, raising her voice so she had Martin's complete attention. "Look at me." He raised his eyes and hesitantly met her gaze. "Are you leaving because of me?"

Martin looked at her. The answer was so clear to both of them he didn't know why she was even asking. He hesitated and didn't say anything. To say 'Yes' would be like he was finally admitting that he wanted to do what she had done ten years before and run away before they could find out what they could have been.

Samantha saw it in his eyes. She wasn't fighting a lost cause. No matter what had happened since the last time she was over at his apartment, no matter what words had passed between them or the lies that had been thrown out, underneath the layers of angst, the old Martin was still there. "Close your eyes." she said softly.

"What?" he asked, nervously.

"Just do it." she said, taking his injured arm in her hand. She placed it on the arm of the sofa. "Can you feel this?" she asked. She watched as he gripped it tightly with his fingers before he shook his head. She moved it over a glossy magazine and then an empty mug. She saw the frustration growing under his closed eyes and it hurt her so badly to see him like this. She silently made an oath to herself that no matter how long it would take, she wasn't going to give it up as a hopeless cause even though he might want to. She would have enough determination for both of them to carry on trying different forms of treatment and medication but fighting for his job was not something she could do by herself. He needed to walk in there tomorrow and face the Washington Agent full of resolve. She moved his arm up and placed the palm of his hand against her cheek. She could feel his rough sores against her soft skin. "What about this?" she asked.

"No." he said quietly. He wasn't angry with her for her putting him through this, just sad. He opened his eyes and saw her leaning into his hand, her eyes closed for a split second before their eyes met.

"I'm so sorry." she said, trying to stop herself from breaking down.

"Stop apologising for something that's not your fault." Martin said, his voice softening.

"It is. And not just your arm – the fact that you're losing your job, the dark patch you're going through right now it's all-"

"Sam, stop feeling for guilty for no reason. I don't blame you so you shouldn't blame yourself. I know that I've been a bit down recently because of my arm. I don't even know why, I mean I don't want to be but I just can't help it and I know it's stupid because its not like it's the end of the world. I mean, it's not amputated which has to count for something right?" he said with a light laugh. Samantha gave a small smile. This was more like the Martin she knew. "And I don't know why I said those things the other day. You know that you meant so much more to me than that, right?" he asked searching her eyes. He was glad he had this chance to mend things between them.

Samantha nodded. "I didn't believe it for a moment anyway and I'm sorry for losing it with you. What with what you're going through with your arm, the last thing you needed was me biting your head off." She brought his arm down away from her cheek and rested it on his leg, keeping her hand there. He gave it a little squeeze. Maybe she had managed to get through to him. Maybe things would be okay ……………. and then her hopes came crashing down.

"Things will be better for both of us when I'm gone." Martin said with a sad smile.

Samantha stared at him in shock. "Martin don't say that. You're not going anywhere."

"Sam ………"

"Please, you've got to fight this for me. Come back to the office tomorrow. Talk to the rest of the team. We'll help you fight this."

"Samantha, no, it's too late."

"It's never too late. We can do this. It'll all be over in no time and then things can go back to normal."

Martin let go of her hand. "Back to normal? When have things ever been normal between us since I've come to New York Sam? It's just been a layer of angst on top of a layer of angst and the crazy thing about is it that it's not actually anyone's fault. It just happens."

"We can make things work Martin. We can start over and just be friends." Samantha said pleadingly.

"You're delusional. Can't you see I'm doing this for the both of us?"

Samantha's jaw set. "Maybe I don't need you doing stuff for me anymore Martin. Maybe you need to start thinking what's best for you. And I know what's best for you. You need to stay here with the team and people who care about you, fight for your job and for what you really believe in. Oh, I know you want to stay Martin. Whatever you say, deep down I know that you want to keep your job. You've spent so damn long looking out for me, you've never given me a chance to return the favour and now's my chance and I want to take it. I can help you with the fight for your job, I can help you through your depression, I can help you with your arm, but you've gotta fight with me not against me." Samantha said, imploringly.

Martin looked away from her. He heard what she was saying and he hated how just having her walk through his door this evening had already weakened his resolve to never look back and just walk out the city. Now he had only a tenuous grip on himself that one more word from Samantha and he felt he would cave.

There was silence.

"Please, just leave." he said coldly at last.

"What?" Samantha said, shocked.

"You heard me. Just go Samantha." he said without looking at her.

His words stung so much. Maybe because she had always held the belief that she would have success with making him change his mind tonight, now he was forcing her out before it reached that point.

"Just think ….."

"Go!" Martin said forcefully.

The anger in his voice made Samantha jump and she stood up and walked to the door, opening it. Just before she walked out though, she turned. "The guy I love isn't afraid to fight for what he wants." she said quietly before closing the door behind her.

**A/N:- Am feeling slightly guilty for leaving it there. Sorry guys!**


	10. Everything I’m Gonna Miss

**Chapter Ten: Everything I'm Gonna Miss, I Know I Can't Hide**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, Without A Trace or the FBI. I do however own my imagination, my Muse, my insanity, my fangirliness and my dreams.**_

**A/N:- Sorry about the wait guys! Got back from holiday then got my A Level results and found out I got into the University I wanted so yay! Anyway, can't believe we're at chapter ten already!**

_Dedicated To:_

_WithoutATraceFreak, NightMage, SusanWATfan, Little Tussi, Give Love A Break, Jordan, Missusmesser,_

_Berta101 – Please don't break anything! And please don't be seriously dead – or dead serious!_

_Spooky Bibi – Personally I hate writing angst! Not too many chapters left but they'll be more fics after this!_

_Biajones – Don't be down! You will get your happy end I promise._

_Tiantian Wang – Thank you. It's good that you can still enjoy the fic even though you don't like the shipping._

_Jtsideout389 – Not too long now!_

_Isabell89 – Sorry! I'm a very sarcastic person which those who know me in real life can testify. Stop crying! Hopefully after this chapter you'll be able to enjoy the rest of your vacation!_

_Outrageous Band Geek – Maybe not the piano but I can lift my French Horn! Put me through a meat grinder? That's a bit mean. Don't make me reach for my chainsaw. Moving on from all this physical violence …………._

_Bdoney – I feel guilty! I thought the slight twist would be intriguing and show Samantha's better side!_

Samantha had done nothing all morning except sit at the conference table staring directly at the wall in front of her, sitting on the edge of her seat.

"You alright?" Vivian asked, taking a seat next to her.

Samantha jumped at her voice, having been so caught up in her own thoughts. "Hmm."

"You're wondering if he'll come today aren't you?" Vivian asked.

Samantha nodded and looked down at her hands.

"You know Martin, he'll be there, fighting his corner with the rest of us." Vivian said reassuringly.

Samantha shook her head. "You didn't see him yesterday. I screwed things up for us last time and I've done it again this time."

"You still love him?"

"God yes." Samantha muttered, blinking back her tears and raising her gaze to look out of the window so her colleague couldn't see her wet eyes.

Vivian squeezed Samantha's arm. "He loves you too and he'll come. And even if he doesn't, we're not going to give up on him just yet." she said, leaving Samantha sometime to reflect alone.

Samantha thought about what Vivian had said. Did Martin still love her? His actions up until last week had said as much and she felt that he did. If so, he couldn't just turn those feelings off could he? So he was just prepared to run away from them like she had done ten years ago because he was scared what would happen between them if he stayed on. She couldn't let him do it. Just as she pulled out her cell phone to call him, Danny walked up to her.

"Agent Mackenzie from Washington's arrived." he muttered darkly.

Samantha stood up and exchanged a look with her colleagues. "Okay, let's do this guys." she said leading the way into Jack's office where Jack was watching the Agent lay out the paperwork on the desk in silence.

Agent Mackenzie looked up and glanced at the Agents walking in and seemed surprised that Agent Malone let his Agents just walk through the door during what should have been a private meeting. He bit his lip from saying anything though - he wanted this to go as quickly and as smoothly as possible so he could be back in Washington in time for dinner.

"So what are you here for exactly?" Jack asked, knowing the answer only too well.

Agent Mackenzie seemed blissfully unaware of the hostile atmosphere in the room and happily ignored the unfriendly glares the four Agents were giving him. "I've got some paperwork which you'll need to check and then send to Agent Fitzgerald to get his signature to acknowledge his acceptance of the termination of his contract and then I have a pile of Curriculum Vitae of possible Agents just out from Quantico for you to have a look through to find a replacement.

Samantha cleared her throat. "We won't be needing a replacement." she said coldly.

Agent Mackenzie observed her for a minute and didn't say anything as if waiting to see if Jack would reprimand her and dismiss the other spectators. When this didn't happen, Adam Mackenzie turned on his sickly smile and adopted an airy tone. "I'm afraid that a Missing Person's Unit can't function with only four Agents." he said.

"There's five." Vivian cut in. "Us four and Martin Fitzgerald."

"I'm sorry, I don't understand. I thought that we had established the fact that due to problems with insurance coverage, Agent Fitzgerald will no longer be able to work here and must find a job elsewhere." Mackenzie said, turning to Jack Malone for confirmation.

"No, what we established _Agent_ Mackenzie was that your bosses in Washington no longer wanted Agent Fitzgerald to work here for personal reasons and they sent you here to execute their demands." Jack said stonily.

"But the insurance ………"

"In case you haven't been fully informed of the facts Mackenzie, 'insurance' doesn't really cut it as an excuse." Danny said harshly. "Martin's been working here for months with his arm with no problem, no complaints and no visits from insurance brokers."

"Who's pushing this resignation through Mackenzie?" Samantha demanded. "Is it Victor Fitzgerald?"

Agent Mackenzie didn't say anything but he didn't need to. He could tell she knew just by the look in his eye. He gave a wary glance to the door. When his boss and sent him to New York, he had been told that it would be a quick and easy trip just to sort out the paperwork with no reluctant Agent to handle. He had been looking after the paperwork for dismissed Agents for the FBI for well over ten years now and he'd had to deal with some difficult cases usually where the Agent involved had struggled and fought and had to eventually be led off the premises by Security. But never in his whole career had he been attacked by four Agents cornering him in a very small room and a blonde-haired bitch who looked ready to eat him alive. The Director would be getting a very colourful report on his desk about Jack Malone and his team once he got out of here.

"Look, I'm just here to deal with the paperwork side of things." Mackenzie said trying to reason with them. "Whatever issues you have with this, you'll have to take up with the personnel management department in Washington."

"We were told to take them up with you." Jack stated. Mackenzie looked at him hard but couldn't tell if he was telling the truth or bluffing. "There's no justification is dismissing a perfectly qualified Agent with not a black mark on his record, months after he's awarded the highest award the FBI has for his bravery in rescuing a fellow Agent."

Mackenzie glanced at the blonde Agent and saw from the look that crossed her face that she must have been the fellow Agent. It was slowly being revealed to him the reason why Victor Fitzgerald wanted his son removed from this office. His jaw hardened and resolve set in. No more Mr Nice Guy. "Whilst it's all very touching that you're all queuing up to fight Mr Fitzgerald's battles for him, may I remind you that firstly he has accepted Washington's decision and secondly that if he does have a problem with it he would be here talking about this himself."

Jack exchanged a glance with the others and Samantha's heart lurched. This was it, there was nothing more they could do. They couldn't continue to pursue this any longer without him here. She bit her lip wishing that Martin was with them now, wishing that his heart was in it to fight this and stand up to his father like he had done so many other times before.

"He is." came a voice from the doorway.

Everyone turned to look at him in shock. He didn't look at any of his colleagues though, instead he strode in and fixed his determined gaze on Agent Mackenzie.

Agent Mackenzie was at a loss as to what to do so he did the only thing he could think of. "Agent Fitzgerald, I've heard so much about you." he said, holding out his hand for him to shake.

Martin ignored it. "Mackenzie. Should have known my father would have sent his lapdog." he said.

Mackenzie stared at him hard, deciding whether to go with the angry reproach or the lines he had been rehearsing over and over on the plane over here. He decided on the latter. "Agent Fitzgerald, I understand how you must be feeling given your current situation but you must understand that if the Bureau had any other alternative then you would, of course, still have your job but as it is the law forbids the FBI from employing any Agent which won't be covered by Insurance and unfortunately the insurance policy states that ………………"

"That's bullshit and you know it." Martin said, seething. "Stop reeling off a load of crap that my father told you to say. Shove the insurance and all the policies up your backside because I don't give a shit. This is MY job and I work my ass off here like everyone else. I work for the people of New York, not for a bunch of bigwigs who sit in their fancy offices all day." Martin paused and swallowed hard. "My arm is not a hindrance and there have been no complaints about my conduct so I intend to carry on doing my job as normal. If the big guys in Washington want me out then they're going to have to come and remove me themselves." he stated fuming, his stance defiant and his eyes alight with anger.

No one had ever seen Martin so worked up or so angry before and his infuriated presence in the room was quite intimidating.

Mackenzie saw at once that there was no rationalising him and all arguments would be fruitless. There in front of him stood a young man with an arm wrapped in bandages and dark shadows under his eyes showing a lack of sleep but full of fierce determination and resolve to fight for the job he loved, behind him stood four of his colleagues their expressions showing the same determination and their glares fixed strongly on him, like a pack of wolves chasing an enemy out of their territory. Deep down he admired Agent Fitzgerald and he felt a longing to be part of a team like this where the feeling of comradeship knew no boundaries. He stood up and gathered all the paperwork from the desk and made his way to the door. "I'll be telling the Director about this." he said before turning to go.

"You better be." Martin threatened to the Agent's retreating back.

Once they were alone, Martin turned to face the others. Jack just smiled at him with glowing pride whilst Danny started whooping and started cheers of "Go Fitzy! Go Fitzy!"

"I have to say I'm impressed. Didn't know you had it in you Fitzgerald." Vivian smiled as she retreated to answer her ringing cell phone.

Samantha turned away from the happy group. Her body ached with relief at seeing Martin back but she had no idea what to say to him anymore. She saw Martin, Danny and Jack busy having a laugh with each other and she slipped out of the office to get a breath of fresh air.

Martin laughed at Danny's rendition of his attack on Agent Mackenzie and immediately knew he had done the right thing. This was where he belonged - with the people he had grown close to over the past year, people he trusted and people he should have come to when dealing with his arm by himself became too much. Half listening to Danny, he looked at Jack and they exchanged a look: Jack and the others would be there for him every step of this fight with Washington at whatever cost. He silently smiled his thanks. Having a laugh with Danny made him realise how long it had been since he had actually laughed like that and he began to wonder why he ever thought about leaving in the first place. He saw Samantha turn and walk out the door quietly and he knew he needed to speak with to her. As Danny's tale came to an end, Martin thrust his hands in his pockets and turned to his two companions.

"Thanks for everything you've done for me so far." he said.

Danny grinned. "It's not a problem mate, as long as you promise me to keep positive from now on."

Martin nodded. "I'll try." he smiled before heading out to the balcony.

Samantha heard him coming before she saw him and she involuntarily turned away without realising she was doing it. It didn't escape his notice though and he seemed to take it as a sign to stand at a distance from her.

"Sam, I owe you an apology." he started, taking a deep breath. "I shouldn't have pushed you away when you were only trying to help and I shouldn't have said all those things which I never meant. I wasn't in proper control of my emotions and my head wasn't clear, I wasn't thinking straight but I am now and I'm truly sorry." he paused. "But as you can see I did listen to what you had to say and that's why I'm here now, fighting for my job and trying to make things right between us."

Samantha didn't say anything because she didn't know what to say. She was glad that he had chosen to fight for his job but at the same time she was still hurting inexplicably. She just needed time to process his words.

Martin took a step closer and leant on the railings next to her watching an airplane fly overhead. "I guess I was scared of how things were constantly changing between us. Like you said, one minute everything's fantastic and the next minute it's not ………. I think it's because we don't know what we want from each other."

"I know what I want." Samantha said very quietly.

Martin faced her but she wasn't looking at him. "Sam, I've got a lot of stuff to work through. I need to think of ways about how I'm going to keep my job, I've got Robert's wedding to prepare for and then I've got to concentrate my efforts on finding an alternative medicine or therapy that will help my arm, but most of all I want to work on making things right between us."

Samantha turned to face him, nodding. "Me too."

"So, do you reckon we could start by making our friendship as solid as it used to be? No more secrets, no more pulling away and a lot more talking and laughing." Martin suggested.

"I think I can manage that." Samantha said with a smile.

Martin met her smile with a grin and opened his arms, embracing her. Samantha's arms slid round his neck and held him close, her face pressed against his shirt. "I've missed you." she said softly.

"I've missed you too." he replied.

Samantha had no idea how long they stood there, wrapped up in each other's arms and in their own thoughts but they only pulled away when the door to the balcony opened.

"Erm, Martin. You've got a caller waiting on Line One." Danny said almost apologetically as if he was afraid he had interrupted them at a crucial moment. Martin just smiled though and with a last smile at Samantha they walked back in.

"Fitzgerald." Martin said picking up his phone, praying that it wasn't his father calling from Washington. It wasn't from his father but it was from Washington. "Robert, Hi, yeah …yeah things are much better thanks." Martin felt himself grinning as Samantha walked past him to get to her desk. It was amazing how much better he felt, having bridged the gap that was between them. Samantha returned his smile. "Yeah, yeah, she's here." Martin put his hand over the receiver. "Robert says 'Hi'." he said to Samantha. She nodded her acknowledgement and came and perched herself on the edge of Martin's desk, waiting for him to finish his phone call. "Yeah, yeah, really? Yeah, I'll tell her. I'll speak to you later. Yep, bye."

"You'll tell me what?" Samantha asked, her eyebrows raised.

"I'll tell you that you're invited to come down to Washington a day early and we're all going out to have a drink to celebrate." Martin told her.

"I'm invited to the stag night!"

"No, Robert's not having one."

"I didn't think Robert would be the one to turn down one of them." Samantha laughed.

Martin grinned. "Trust me, I'm the best man remember. It's just going to be a nice civilised round of drinks. Robert and his friends at one bar and Kirsten and her friends at another."

"Okay, count me in." Samantha said as she slid off of his desk to go and answer her phone.

Martin watched her go happily. It would be just like old times.

**A/N:- As promised, things are getting better between Martin and Samantha. Next chapter will be coming soonish.**


	11. I Hope You Find A Way Back To Me

**Chapter Eleven: I Hope You Find A Way Back To Me**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, Without A Trace or the FBI. I do however own my imagination, my Muse, my insanity, my fangirliness and my dreams.**_

**A/N:- I'm sorry. I'm ashamed at my sheer lack of updating these past few months but I thought I couldn't possible let 2005 end without giving you another chapter. I'm thinking two or three more chapters after this? I don't know. The plan was to have Robert's wedding covered in one chapter until I realised that would be an insanely long chapter so I decided to cut it into two.**

_I realise review responses aren't allowed in chapters anymore so I just want to thank everyone who's reviewed, especially SusanWATfan, ArielJLP and futurecop who have been chasing me up about this for …..erm … several months._

Martin paused outside Samantha's apartment, his hand raised to ring the bell. The past week had seen him back at work as normal, defying the Memos from Washington and so far no one had physically called for his removal. Whereas things between Samantha and him had been so unbearably tense, Jack now said that things seemed to be too relaxed as Samantha seemed to be unceasingly in a fit of giggles in the office due to something Martin had said or from remembering memories from the past. Martin felt his heart warm at the thought of Samantha and her glowing smile. God how much had he missed that. Now here he was ready to spend the weekend with her in Washington for Robert's wedding and he was doubly nervous, worrying about screwing things up as best man and anxious not to screw things up with Samantha.

Before he had time to ring the doorbell, the door opened.

"Thought I heard you lingering out here." She said with a smile. "Ready to go?"

He nodded and led the way downstairs to hail a cab.

"You know, it's going to be weird seeing everyone again." Samantha mused as they sat in the car driving to the airport. "I mean I haven't seen Robert in ten years and then all of a sudden I'm going to his wedding."

"Well, I don't think he's changed that much since you last saw him." Martin said. "He still cracks jokes all the time and enjoys teasing me about you."

Samantha's smile faltered, the excitement being replaced with anxiousness. She hadn't thought about that. Robert obviously knew everything that had happened between her and Martin since they had started working together in New York but everyone else from school would see them arrive together and assume that they were dating again ……… "Do they know about-"

Martin glanced at her. "Robert does but I don't think he's narrated it all to everyone else." He said. There was a pause. "Look, we don't have to worry about what they think about us do we? As long as we are comfortable with things between us ……. We are comfortable right?" he asked, searching her eyes for the reassurance he needed.

"Of course." She said firmly, nodding. "Things are good."

"Good because I was hoping you could help me with the best man speech on the plane." Martin said off-handedly.

Samantha looked at him in shock. "You mean you haven't finished it yet!"

Martin shrugged. "One might almost say I haven't started it yet." He said with a grin as the cab pulled up at the airport.

……………………………

Martin flattened the crumpled bit of paper out on the aeroplane table and glanced over his speech. He was, in all honesty, quite proud of it. It was witty and funny – but not overly so – and most importantly it was certainly written from the heart.

"Watcha reckon?" he asked looking over at Samantha only to see her head resting on the window, her eyes closed.

At his words, Samantha jerked herself awake. She had hardly realised she'd drifted off there. "Oh, erm, sorry." She said, running a hand through her hair. "Lack of sleep." She yawned.

"You've been stressing about seeing everyone again haven't you?" Martin said perceptively.

Samantha gave a weak smile. Didn't miss a thing that guy. "You know what school was like for me and even though you kinda changed all that, I haven't seen anyone since the Prom and …."

Martin looked at her and hid a smile. He loved how even after years of working at the Bureau as a tough Agent, deep down she felt just as vulnerable as she had ten years ago. "Shhh." He hushed her, putting his bandaged arm around her shoulders and pulling her towards him until her head rested on her shoulder. "Everything's going to go really smoothly, trust me, I'm the best man remember?" He rubbed her arm reassuringly. "Besides when did you start to worry about what everyone else thought anyway!" he asked, placing a kiss softly on the top of her head.

"I don't know." Samantha said sleepily. "But I definitely preferred it when I didn't give a damn." She said, closing her eyes.

Martin smiled to himself and stuffed the speech back into his pocket. For the first time in a long while they actually felt comfortable in each other's presence.

…………………………………………..

"Don't tell me I'm going to be the only girl at this get together tonight." Samantha said, sitting down on Martin's hotel bed, watching him circle the room twice looking for his keys. She held them out to him.

"Okay then, I won't." he grinned.

She groaned. "Say it isn't so."

"No. You remember Sarah and Hannah and Ally and her gang?" Martin said, pulling on his jacket and stuffing his cell phone in his jacket. Samantha nodded. She remembered them all too well. "They're going to be there."

"And what is it? A group of us sitting around and having a quiet drink for a couple of hours?" Samantha questioned.

"Sure. Think you can manage that?" he asked, turning to face her with a smile.

"Only if the best man's buying the drinks." She said, forcing herself to get up from the bed and head out of the door. It was going to be a long night.

Martin led her to an expensive bar near to the hotel which she didn't know. Not that she used to go to expensive bars when she had lived in Washington.

"Ready to walk into the lion's den?" Martin asked, looking down at her as he stood by the door.

"As ready as I'm ever going to be." Samantha mumbled.

Martin opened the door and looked around, spotting a large table with a crowd of people gathered around but before he could get there, Robert spotted him and came striding over, a big grin on his face.

"Martin, my man!" he said greeting his best friend.

Samantha tried her best to make herself invisible but she was having no luck.

"Samantha!" Robert said, grinning, pulling her into a bear hug. "Ten years later and you're still as knock-them-dead gorgeous as ever, isn't she Martin?" Robert said, winking at his friend.

"Yes, she is." Martin said, smiling at the fact Samantha was actually blushing.

"MARTIN!"

"Oh God." Martin muttered as Ally and Sarah rushed over having spotted him.

"Now play nice." Robert laughed.

Samantha struggled to keep a neutral face as Ally flung herself on Martin, dressed, as usual in the minimal amount of fabric which could actually be classified as clothing. "God I've missed you so much!" she said.

Martin forced a smile and tried to peel the blonde-haired, big breasted remake of a Barbie doll from his shirt. He couldn't believe that Robert still kept in touch with these people. Sure Robert had grown up but it seemed like the rest of them hadn't.

Ally glanced at Samantha. "What's she doing here?" she said in a loud whisper to Hannah.

Samantha sighed and rolled her eyes.

Robert put his arm around her and led her over to the table. "Samantha is here as my guest." He stated. "And can you remember that it's not high school anymore. Some of us are even mature enough to be getting married tomorrow." He smiled.

Martin laughed as he stood at the bar, ordering a round of drinks for the group. "Last time I spoke to Kirsten, I'm sure she stated that she wasn't marrying you for your maturity."

"I'm offended." Robert said, putting his hand on his heart in a mock dramatic way. "Zach, Tom, you remember Samantha right?"

"How could we forget?" Zach said coldly as everyone sat down at the table.

"Zach." Robert said warningly.

Zach's face broke into a smile. "Only kidding! Come here you!" he said, bundling her in arms.

Martin grinned. At least the guys were being welcoming towards Samantha. He had told Robert everything that had happened over the past few months and had warned Tom and Zach to be nice. Of course, he wasn't delusional enough to expect Ally and her gang to be just as friendly.

"So tomorrow, big day. How do you feel about it?" Zach asked, slapping Robert on the back.

Robert leant back in his chair. "You know, I actually feel inexplicably calm about it all."

"And all the alcohol you've already consumed as nothing to do with that?" Martin said, sipping his drink.

"No of course not. You ever know the feeling when you're with someone and it just feels so right … so special?" Robert mused.

"Mate, if we knew what that felt like, we would be the ones getting married!" Tom laughed.

"Yeah right, like that's ever going to happen." Zach scoffed. "The single life's just too good isn't it Fitzy?"

Ally glanced at Martin and Samantha. "You two not dating again?" she said curiously, a small smile playing on her lips.

Samantha groaned inside. They'd managed two minutes before the topic of 'them' or how there was no 'them' was brought up. Martin glanced at her. "We work together now." He stated.

Samantha was pleased to say that Ally looked suitably surprised. "You work for the FBI too?" Sarah said, looking at her, eyebrows raised.

"Yup, certainly do." Samantha said, leaning back in her chair, quietly confident.

"Wow." Zach said, impressed.

Robert laughed. "You guys better behave otherwise these two will start whipping out their handcuffs."

Ally leant across the table and ran her hand up Martin's bandaged arm. "So, you hurt your arm in the line of duty then?" she said, giving him a sickening sympathetic look.

Samantha looked away sharply which Martin noticed. "I don't want to talk about it." He said.

"Oh, but you must have been doing something oh so brave to get this badly hurt." Ally said, leaning further into him and batting her eyes at him.

"I don't want to go into it okay?" Martin said, sighing.

"Well, if Martin doesn't want to tell you, then I will." Robert said, joining in as everyone leaned in.

"Rob." Martin said warningly. Damn alcohol for making people lose control of their tongues.

Robert ignored him and launched into his tale. Martin turned round to look at Samantha. The night had only just begun.

…………………………………………….

Two hours later and they seemed to finally be at the end of Memory Lane and Samantha was beginning to hope that the night would be drawing to a close when she realised how wrong she was. The door of the bar opened and about thirty of Robert's not-so-close friends came to join the party. The talking ended, the music started up and the drink really began to flow. Tired of having people come up to her with fixed smiles on their faces pretending that they knew who she was, she retreated to the most deserted table she could find and watched the party unfold in front of her. As best man, Martin was busy doing the rounds, often with either Ally or Sarah or one of their other friends attached to his arm, but as soon as he had a spare moment he came over to check that she was alright and not feeling too suicidal.

"I'm fine, really. You should go back. You're Robert's friend and you need to keep an eye on him." Samantha said with a laugh.

"You sure? You don't look like you're having much fun." Martin said frowning at her realising how awkward it must be to be in a room full of people that you either didn't know or who used to bully you as a teenager.

"I'm doing okay. I'm just going to go out on the balcony to get some air." Samantha smiled reassuringly, pointing towards the open French windows.

She walked out into the warm night air. The balcony was deserted apart from a couple heavily making out, who, after she glanced at them, looked suitably ashamed and retreated back into the bar.

Just as she was starting to relax and imagine herself somewhere else apart from at Robert's pre-wedding drinks party, Zach came out and spotting her, walked unsteadily over.

"Hey, Sam!" he slurred.

Samantha watched him guardedly. He stank of alcohol and could barely walk standing straight never mind in a straight line. He came and stood next to her, looking at her whilst leaning on the railings to keep his balance.

"So, you and Fitzy aren't back together?" he said.

"It's complicated. We've both been through a lot these past few months." Samantha explained, turning away from him, looking down onto the streets of Washington below.

"He doesn't deserve you anyway. Never thought he did. Don't know why you got together with someone like him anyway." Zach muttered, running a hand through his slick hair.

Samantha frowned at him. Yep, definitely drunk. Zach was one of the ones who found it the hardest when his best friend started going out with her. His father was a high flying politician who thought himself to be better than everyone else – an outlook on life which he had passed onto his son.

"You could do much better. You should have dated me in high school." Zach said, fixing his eyes on her.

"You don't know what you're saying Zach. You're talking nonsense." Samantha said, laughing lightly.

"Still, what about now? You're single, right? How about you and I try to work something out? My father could certainly get you a good job here in DC and-" Zach stumbled.

"I think you should go back inside and sit down." Samantha suggested.

"What's stopping you? You know, you did a good job running out on Martin that day at the Prom. He wouldn't have treated you right." Zach continued, moving closer.

Samantha took a step back. Wry amusement at Zach's intoxicated state was replaced with irritation. "Shut up. If you really think that about Martin then you're obviously not as good a friend of his as he thinks."

Zach seemed oblivious that she had even spoken, instead focussed on getting the one thing he wanted. In one quick movement he pressed himself against her, pinning her to the railings and forcing his lips onto hers.

Samantha tried to push him off of her but he wouldn't budge and she was caught between him and the bars. She was a trained FBI Agent and could easily have pulled some moves which would leave him severely incapacitated but she knew what commotion that would cause and she didn't want to ruin this night for either Robert or Martin. "Get off of me Zach." She said sternly, moving her head left and right to avoid his kisses whilst trying to wriggle out of his grasp. "You're drunk and you have no idea what you're doing."

Zach, unable to get at her lips started working down her neck onto her collarbone.

"That's enough!" Samantha said, raising her voice. She was this close to just kneeing him in the groin and one more minute she would have done just that.

Martin talked jovially to Alistair and his wife for ten minutes before excusing himself. Thankfully he seemed to have lost his posse of girls that had been trailing him all night and he looked around, hoping to catch some time with Samantha. She was nowhere to be seen though and he headed towards the French windows, guessing that she was still hiding outside.

"Oooh, I wouldn't go out there." Ally smirked. "You'll interrupt them."

"Who?" Martin asked.

"Samantha and Zach." Ally replied, a mischievous grin crossing her face.

Martin stood stock still, his mind racing. Jealousy, confusion, surprise. No, Samantha wasn't that drunk and she certainly wouldn't do this to him after everything. He looked through the glass and saw Samantha trying to fight Zach off of her.

"You idiot Ally." Martin said to her, glaring.

He ran outside. "Zach. Get off of her." He shouted. Zach didn't move though and didn't even acknowledge his presence. Martin grabbed his shoulders and physically peeled him from her.

Zach swung round angrily. "Don't you dare touch me." He shouted, trying to get closer to Martin to hit him but fell to the ground before he could do so. "You bastard. You come back here all FBI Agenty with your arm in bandages just to get all the attention. Nothing's changed eh? You still want to be everyone's favourite guy. Fabulous Fitzgerald who gets everything he wants."

Martin stared at him as Zach struggled to his feet, suddenly aware of how quiet it had gone inside the bar. "You're drunk Zach. Go back to your hotel and sleep it off." Martin said firmly.

Zach came closer and drunkenly swung a punch at him. Martin put up his left arm to defend himself, not realising the amount of force behind the hit. "You don't deserve her Fitzgerald. She doesn't want you anymore. You just can't take that. You, you you .."

Tom appeared at the door whilst Martin held Zach away from him at arm's length. "Tom, take him back to hotel will you?" Martin sighed tiredly. Tom nodded and pulled Zach away with great difficulty as he was still trying to get to Martin.

Once they'd gone, Martin turned to Samantha. "Stands to reason that no matter what I did, the night couldn't pass without incident."

"Hey, it's not your fault."

"You okay?" Martin said, looking at her, concerned.

"Yeah of course, I'm fine. I mean, you know me, I could have just hit him and wrestled him to the ground but I was going for discretion. In the end…"

"He started shouting so all hope for it to go unnoticed didn't do any good." Martin finished with a smile.

"Guess it didn't." Samantha replied.

They stood there looking at each for a moment until Martin put his arm around her, resting it on the small of her back, guiding her back inside. "Think you can survive another half an hour before I can get away and walk you back to the hotel?" he asked her.

Samantha felt herself warm at his touch. "Maybe, but I think it's about high time someone bought me another drink." She smiled.

**A/N:- Happy New Year everyone! Let's hope that 2006 brings us lots of MS fluff!**


End file.
